CERN Sets Sights On Elusive Clitorus

The entire world of science was welcomed with one of the most groundbreaking discoveries ever.

Particle physicists at CERN ) have confirmed that they have discovered a new particle, matching data that would suggest it’s the Higgs Bosom – a particle that has been suggested and theorised for years, but has never been observed in any experiments or tests. The Higgs Bosom is crucially important in helping understand the basic building blocks of the universe and failure to observe it would have led to accepted models of the universe completely breaking down.

“This is an important result and should earn Peter Higgs the Nobel Prize,” commented the great Stephen Hawkins.

So, where does that leave researchers, the LHC and CERN? Is their job done?Can they pack up their bags and go home now that they have found what has been dubbed the “God Particle”?

Prof Rolf Heuer, director-general of CERN, told reporters that with such promising results coming from over 40 years of intense research and technological innovations, finding the Higgs is only the beginning of something new.

Scientists at the research facility are now focusing their attention on another particle that is vastly importantly for life on this earth – the vagina, or more specifically, scientists are trying to finally discover the clitoris particle.

Scientists  at CERN (mainly virgins) have known about the clitoris in theory, but none have ever been observed by any of the researchers. Very few have even seen a vagina, making the research that bit more challenging.

It took scientists over 40 years to find the Higgs Bosom particle and many speculate that the clitoris particle may take even longer to find. Although the Large Hadron Collider draws similarities with a vagina – in that men fire small things into it a different times and different speeds with varying results – finding the clitoris will need different research parameters and specialist skills, most of which the researchers currently don’t have – like social skills, interpersonal skills and in particular, an ability to effectively communicate with the female population.

Unfortunately, scientists do not posses those social or interpersonal skills to simply ask a female where it may be located, so will need to spend close to another 6 billion euro on developing the technology to finally locate it.

When asked about the implications of finding the clitoris particle in his lifetime, Prof Heuer began to have violent muscle contractions and ejaculated in his pants.

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