Racist Aliens Vandalise Cork Beach

image: Cork Independent

image: Cork Independent

Local residents in West Cork were awoken to shocking scenes on their local Inchydoney beach, after extra terrestrials, took to the sand during the night to vandalise it with intergalactic designs and symbols – apparently racist in nature. 

The massive designs, which disrupt the natural flow of the sandy beach, are expected to cost several thousand euro to clean up and local TD Michael McCarthy has expressed his outrage at the destructive designs inflicted on the beach:

It’s a real shame that our intergalactic neighbours would find it entertaining or funny to damage our local, natural community. The beach is a much used resource for locals down here and attracts much tourism, which is vital for the local economy. I know it’s probably only a small minority of racist space aliens that are engaging in such destructive behaviour, but we’d urge them to have consideration for the wider public interests.

Proven

Some conspiracy theorists suggested it was a local sand circle group, but those outlandish reports were dismissed with the latest circles appearing over the Xmas period – a time when everyone in Cork is heavily intoxicated and unable to function to the level of detail that was shown in the racist alien symbols.

It’s also a proven psychological fact that Irish people in general have not got the focus to complete such a large scale piece of work so perfectly, as the “Ah sure, it’s grand like that”  habitual response kicks in after 15 minutes of intense labour.

Security at the beach has been increased for the next month in an effort to deter the aliens to another area of space to destruct. If caught, the aliens could face a hefty fine to cover the costs of the clean up operation.

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