image: BreakingNews.ie
Angela Merkel Speaks Out
The Potato has a shocking exclusive, Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, was engaged in a torrid affair with our very own Taoiseach, Enda Kenny. This exclusive comes just before Merkel publishes her new autobiography called ‘Mein Kampfing trips and other Stories’ and we caught up with Angela yesterday.
“First of all, I would like to say, the affair is now over and has been for some time” says the visibly heart-broken Angela. “He used me, I think, like so many other women.”
According to Angela, the affair with Enda Kenny began in early 2011, just before the general elections. After using her to win the election, the affair continued, but Enda became distant.
“He used me to gain power and then he became cold, until he needed another bailout, that is.”
That’s not to say it was all bad, according to the ‘de-facto leader of Europe’, when it was good, it was very good. “I used to call him the Celtic Tiger, because he was so ferocious in the bedroom.” Early on in the relationship Angel recalls a memorable occasion.
“Soon into the affair I remember Alan Shatter caught me and Enda making love in the Dail. He didn’t see my face, because we were in the wheelbarrow position. Enda told him it was his wife and he believed him.”
We asked the Chancellor why she chose to come out with the story. “Because I know how the Irish people feel. Just like Ireland, Enda Kenny took advantage of me when I was in a vulnerable state. He used his charms, to get himself into the position he wanted and the screwed me.”
Now we know the real reason behind the horrendous terms of the recent bailout agreement.
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