Crime To Be Legalised So Gardaí Can Be Disbanded

Garda_vehicles_bolton_stMore cost saving  measures are to be introduced later on during the year that will see the government save billions of euro in public expenditure, by legalising crime and disbanding the entire Garda force.

The move comes as Ireland continues to feel the pressure from the EU and IMF about reducing the deficit it currently has. And rather than growing a set of balls and refusing to burn unsecured bondholders, the government have decided to do something more radical.

Minister for Public Expenditure and Reform, Brendan Howlin, made the decision today while conducting lengthy talks with public sector unions. He commented to journalists (after demanding that they swallow hard) that:

“Crime is only illegal in this country because we make it illegal through our backdated laws. Its’ time for this country to move forward. If destroying an entire economy through corrupt banking practices isn’t really illegal, then really you have to ask why we have any laws at all. Through the swipe of a pen, we can remove all forms of crime and save billions in the process.”

By the end of 2013, there will be no Garda force at all operating in the country. This should save the exchequer nearly 2 billion euro. Although there will be additional people on social welfare, it will be a fraction of the cost to the government, compared with paying them their actual wages. The problem of overtime pay will also be solved by this new cost saving measure.

Crime lords around the country have welcomed the move and claimed that this deregulation of the crime market will help create more jobs for many young men in the process. Everything from sales to transport jobs will now be in greater demand and should help boost many local economies.

An additional side benefit from this new move will see the problem of overcrowding in the country’s prisions completely removed also. So it’s a win-win from both sides.

The government were going to hold a vote with the Garda union about the decision, but then said “Fuck it, we can just legislate for this anyway…”

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