Jobs News: Position Open At The Vatican

pope to step down

About The Company

The Vatican is a backward thinking, male dominated cult operating in it’s own independent state. It uses the latest edition of the Bible to inform decisions about modern day life and is a global market leader in the religion industry.

The Vatican is mainly involved with selling Catholicism on a worldwide scale, even though they don’t really use it themselves.

The Role:

The Vatican are currently seeking someone who can lead their organisation into future, by using outdated ideals from the past.

The Person:

The ideal candidate will have many years experience believing in imaginary 3 in 1 Gods. They must also be white, a man and must also display strong sexist tendencies. Being in a Hitler Youth Group will be a distinct advantage.

Being very old and hard to understand when making public appearances, will also be a benefit.

Responsibilities

  • To make incredibly boring speeches to loyal, unquestioning followers of the faith.  
  • To act as the world’s largest cult leader.
  • To wear silly hats in public.
  • Ensure that condoms and other forms of protection are banned so AIDS and other sexual transmitted diseases ravage through the Third World.
  • Must be willing to drive around in a ridiculous bullet proof car.
  • Must be able to take money from elderly people.
  • To strategically cover up criminal activity by your members, including but not limited to money laundering, Mafia involvement and sexual abuse cases.
  • Drive profitability on a yearly basis and be able to report to Vatican shareholders ie – God, Jesus and The Holy Ghost.

Candidate who apply must be willing to travel on a regular basis.

Requirements

  • Candidate must be a man.
  • Must be white.
  • Must have delusion tendencies and hear voices on a regular basis.
  • Must have a minimum of 5 years experience being sexist.
  • Must have experience giving advice on issues they have no personal experience in.

Salary: Negotiable

Expenses: Travel and accomdation provided.

Location: Vatican City

Type: Permanent

To apply for this job, email god@TheVatican.com with a cover letter outlining why you think you’re the ideal candidate for the job.

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