A proposal by the Icelandic interior minister, Ogmundur Jonasson, to ban pornography in print and online has caused uproar among pretty much every post-pubescent male in the country.
Speaking about the proposal, Ms. Halla Gunnarsdottir, political adviser to Minister Jonasson, said the proposal is not revolutionary as pornography is already banned in Iceland and has been for decades.
“However”, Ms. Gunnarsdottir went on to explain, “this does not stop certain people from watching all sorts of dirty videos when they should be working and when you walk near their desk, they rush to close the browser and make it look like they were doing something else.” When asked for his opinion on the proposal, a rather embarrassed Minister Jonasson declined to comment, while sheepishly staring at the ground.
Ms. Gunnarsdottir continued: “I used to wonder how the Icelandic government could have handled the financial crisis of 2009 so badly. Turns out a recession is easy to miss when all of your elected representatives are too busy jacking-off to care.”
Despite Ms. Gunnarsdottir’s drawn-out scolding of the interior minister, the proposal is not without its opponents; who claim the move will censor the web, encourage authoritarian regimes and – as one young man put it – “leave Bjork as the only object of detailed sexual fantasy around here, and that’s worse than state-ordered castration.”
While this proposal is still in its infancy, the Irish government are keen to capitalise on the anticipated migration of all able-bodied males from Iceland. A spokesperson for the Government explained; “We expect a large portion of the disaffected Icelandic population to move here should this proposal be successful, and we’re already preparing for it. The Dublin Airport Authority (DAA) has introduced free Wi-Fi for our incoming Icelandic residents to connect to upon arrival, as well as introducing a booking system on all toilet cubicles to allow for accessible individual privacy.”
When asked if a similar ban would ever be considered in Ireland, the spokesperson replied that such a proposal seems unlikely. “Given recent web stats from when the Dail is in session, our TD’s aren’t sitting there checking their emails, that’s for sure.” The spokesperson refused to comment further.