Men around the world were today celebrating the news from tech giant Google, that it is to finally map the Friend Zone, something many have found themselves in, but had no idea how to navigate out of.
Recent statistics show that up to 70% of men will land themselves in the Friend Zone at some stage during their lives and a large majority will never exit it. But now, thanks to Google’s orbiting satellites and massive knowledge base, the Friend Zone will be mapped and put in an interactive, online tool that men around the world can use to escape the crushing grip of the Friend Zone.
One excited male from Dublin commented earlier to The Potato that:
I’ve been waiting for this for years. I’m deeply in love with my “best friend” and she has no idea. She keeps saying I’m like a brother to her. We go on dinner dates and even watch movies together on a regular basis, but she just fills the time telling me about who she is dating and what they are like. It’s horrible, I only wish this had been developed sooner!
Like the traditional maps, Google will provide directions on how to make your way through the Friend Zone with various options. Some of them including:
- Suggested Route 1: Declare your love for her at a family event.
- Suggested Route 2: Stop talking to her and treat her like an asshole. It’s worked for all her other boyfriends and should take 3-4 weeks to work for you too.
- Suggested Route 3: Leave for a year and come back ridiculously successfully, wealthy and in better shape than ever before. Then, hook up with her younger, hotter sister.
The Friend Zone is expected to be mapped entirely this year and many people can expect to see a large white, Google van outside their homes, or at coffee shops where they regularly meet their “Best Friends” for lunch. The information will be collated by Google and delivered through a web application and smart phone app, that will include detailed voice instructions on how to successfully leave the Friend Zone.
There will also be an automatic setting that can be switched on to “Avoid Friend Zone” at all times.
This new application has been hailed as one of the most important software developments of our time by many in the tech industry, calling it more important than any other online application in existence today.
Google will be trailing the Beta version of the product out on a select group of lucky men later on in the year and it is expected to be made available to all men by early 2014.