After a 2 hour long personality test, which came as a free gift from Tom Cruise, Labour leader Eamon Gilmore has today announced himself as a scientologist.
Scientology, created by a science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard, is founded on a set of beliefs about an intergalactic ruler Xenu, sending aliens from numerous planets into volcanoes on earth and then dropping a hydrogen bomb on them.
The souls of the exploded aliens, were then caught in giant magnetic soul catchers and then brainwashed with a false history of humanity After the brainwashing finished, the souls roamed the earth confused, until they attached themselves to physical human bodies.
Gilmore met with the Hollywood star today and presented him with an official certificate proving his Irish heritage ahead of his latest movie premiere in Dublin.
Cruise then presented Gilmore with a free gift in return and walked him down to a small room, where he completed a questionnaire and was even privileged with a E-Meter auditing session.
Gilmore was initially reluctant when he heard about the audit, but agreed to it after being informed that it was about freeing his trapped alien soul, rather than shifting through his personal finances.
Commenting earlier exclusively to The Potato Gilmore said:
“After taking the personality test, I know what I need to do to help myself and this country. There’s a section for that in this book I bought and they will apparently be covering it at this weekend’s €2,000 course. The test said I’ve loads of problems and that was backed up with poor readings from the E-Meter. They told me I’ll have to come back numerous times before I’ll be fully healed, but hey, I don’t mind if that’s what its going to take to get this country out of recession.”
Many more politicians are expected to join the global cult as it fits in well with current policies about paying over the top prices for information and advice that in turn makes no sense at all and only causes further long term damage.
Gilmore has also commissioned a genealogical study to prove that the 75 billion year old cosmic war lord Xenu also descends from Irish heritage and will be inviting him on a formal trip in the coming months.