Ivanovic Left Undead After Suarez Bite

luis suarez bite

Bad news for Chelsea fans today as it turns out that bite victim Branislav Ivanović has unfortunately become undead, after his encounter with Liverpool striker Luis Suarez yesterday.

Chelsea’s medical staff were made aware of the problem when Ivanvic attempted to attend training this morning. On entering the sunlight at the training grounds, the player’s skin began to burn. He was immediately rushed inside when staff noticed his skin tone being extremely pale.

Tests

After a series of medical tests, doctors at the football club determined that although he was still conscious and fully functioning, he was in fact medically dead. No heartbeat was present nor was there any sign of blood pressure throughout his body. Food allergy tests also showed that the Chelsea player has developed a strong intolerance to garlic.

Noted too was an increased desire for virgins and a complete lack of brain activity, but being a professional footballer these symptoms have been noted previously and don’t appear to be linked with the Suarez bite.

Ivanovic may wind up missing the remaining matches in this season’s premiership, due to his inability to to be exposed to direct sunlight. Staff at the club are trying to schedule the remaining games for later than usual kick offs and are reading through old texts and occult books to try and find a way to reverse the player’s undeadness.

More on this story as it breaks.

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