Today the Dublin branch of Ann Summers announced a radical new initiative to entice customers into their O’Connell Street store. The number of traditional visitors to the shop including hen parties, embarrassed women, perverts and curious day shoppers from the country, has fallen in recent years.
In an effort to draw in a new market segment, Ann Summers has opened a new section to it’s shop. Fionnula Cashel, store manager, tells us more.
“Over the last few years, we’ve noticed a fall in trade at our walk-in locations while our online sales have increased. We thought that perhaps we should be targeting those who can’t or don’t know how to use the Internet and realised that our key market is now the over 70’s as they’re the only people still incapable of finding sex aids, cheap lingerie and smut online.
So in an attempt to cater to this demographic, we’ve opened a cafe that sells tea, buns, cakes and which also has comfortable seating so they can come in, have a nice sit down and browse our large selection of marital aids. We’ve also changed the layout of shop to allow for mobility scooters. On pension day we have 50% off our range of bondage and restraint equipment, for the pensioner who can’t really move anywhere, but likes to fantasize that they can.”
Are there any particular lines that have been popular with the older shopper, we ask?
“We find that the pensioners really like to read, so our range of erotic octogenarian literature is selling very well. The most popular at the moment is The Story of O’D which is quite a graphic novel about the sexual adventures of a retired spinster called Dorothy from Thurles who goes to Donegal and is held in captivity for weeks, living on a diet of tea and cake while being flagellated on a daily basis by the singer Daniel O’Donnell. You need a strong constitution to read that let me tell you. We’ve also seen our line of thermal lingerie selling well”.
And is there anything that hasn’t been such a hit?
“Well our range of edible incontinence pants haven’t exactly being flying off the shelves.”
We asked one elderly customer, Pauline (75) from East Wall, why it was that she used the shop.
“This shop has been a Godsend to me. I would never have had the nerve to go into one of those shops on Capel Street. Mind you, I’ve never had the nerve to go to Capel Street.”
“My Tommy can’t get it up anymore so before coming here I’d have to get my grand-daughter to go on the Internet to get me a Rampant Rabbit. She was very embarrassed doing it but sure I says to her ‘It’s only sex!’. She moved to Australia after that. As I said, my Tommy is useless below the waist nowadays but he likes to watch, so I’ve just popped in for a bun and to get a copy of ‘Boobalicious 5’ for him. On Blu-ray if they have it. He’s mad for high-definition baps.”
Store manager Fionnula is also making plans to hire an in-store chiropractor and chiropodist.
