As Tom Cruise waved goodbye to Ireland today, many businesses were bracing themselves for a surge in tourist custom as a direct consequence of the diminutive actors visit. Cruise, who was presented with a certificate of Irish ancestry by the Department of Foreign Affairs while promoting his latest film “Oblivion” in Dublin, spent part of the afternoon at the Guinness brewery.
A spokesman for Diageo, owners of Guinness, Henry Englishman said,
“We were delighted to have a film star like Tom being seen to pour our product. He wasn’t even charged for the pint he had. We’re that kind of company. We’re confident that there are millions of impressionable, well funded Americans who when seeing this, will be on the first available flights to Dublin to follow in his footsteps. And when they do, we’ll be ready to make them pay through the nose for every drop of the black stuff in the pubs and bars. Welcome to Ireland!”
Pat Quinn, owner of Quinn’s Hardware on Dorset St was similarly upbeat about the positive effects of Cruise’s visit to the city.
“I’d like to think that if any tourist, encouraged by Tom Cruise’s visit to our fair city, was in need of any screws, nails, wood or any hardware products in general, that Quinn’s Hardware would be their first port of call. I’ve had extra stock ordered just in case. He might believe in aliens and be as mad as a bag of cats but if someone came in here and bought 10 litres of emulsion paint because they’d seen him in Ireland, I’d happily sit through Vanilla Sky again.”
Turlough Downey, president of the newly formed “Kilteevan Chamber of Commerce” in Co Rosscommon, where it’s claimed one of Cruise’s ancestors is from, was also looking forward to the new commercial opportunities that the village’s association with the actor would bring.
“In Kilteevan, we’re proud to be able to say that one of the most recognisable faces in world, originated from this dreadful place. It gives us some sort of hope. Probably false hope, but sure without hope, you’d probably kill yourself living in a place like this. I know I’ve thought about it.”
“I just hope there’s loads of gullible tourists on their way to drop some money on this godforsaken spot. We’ve had new signs put up to tell people where they are and Mrs Halpin has put a poster of Top Gun in the window of the general store as well as getting in 300 DVDs of ‘Far and Away’. “
“The Mapothers, his ancestors, were a bad lot. They stole an acre from my family and we’ll never forget or forgive that, but if a few people came here and spent a few quid, it would go someway to putting things right I suppose.”
Tom is reported to be “just blown away” by his trip to Ireland and has promised to visit his ancestral home on the next visit that Universal Studios and the Irish government will pay for.
The country’s economy is set to finally bounce back after the huge exposure gained from his visit and many business around the country are eagerly awaiting the positive change in financial forture to take place.
It’s expected any day now…
