Anthony O’Dorchai, 28 years old from the small town of Dunboyne Co. Meath, has this afternoon informed his friends that he will not be going out tonight, as he needs to be fresh for his up and coming championship match – which isn’t for another 12 weeks.
Training for the local GAA team resumed this week and management of the Junior C team imposed a strict “No Craic” policy on their players for the entire championship.
The No Craic policy bans players from going out on weekends (even sober), from having sex with their girlfriends, masturbating and even includes a strict bedtime curfew of 10pm.
Proponents of the strict ban on craic, say it is about ensuring the players are committed first and foremost to the club – above their partners, loved ones and even their children.
Levels of commitment are put to the test during the year as managers schedule matches on the same days as player’s weddings, final year exams and even when their wives are giving birth to their first born.
Failure to choose the GAA over these important life events may see one excommunicated from the club and driven out from the village by an angry mob.
The team is this year engaging on numerous alternative training programs to improve their team’s overall performance. This year a special training camp will be help at Croagh Patrick, where players will have to solo a ball to the summit, barefoot and blindfolded while getting TK red lemonade intermittently poured over them.
Last years training included playing matches on broken shards of glass, sleeping on nail beds and drinking lava. GAA lads are heroes like that and better than you.
Anthony will spend tonight on his own, ironing his undersized GAA shorts and reading through the club’s manual on “How to Talk Utter Shite About GAA To Anyone, Even When They Don’t Want To Listen To You”.
Paddy Power has his Junior C team odds on to lose their very first match, ensuring that the harsh levels of sacrifice go unrewarded. Again.
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