Elderly Sex Lives At Risk With Pfizer Plant Closing

old-couple

Many local randy residents from Cork, are today concerned over where their supply of Viagra will come from with the news that Pfizer is to close it’s Little Island plant.

The plant had been a welcomed addition to the local area, boosting many couple’s sex lives and overall feelings of well-being.

Many elderly couples in the area were able to rediscover their passionate sex lives with the ready supply of Viagra and although not a pleasant image to think of, the smiling faces and positive mood from them made the small town one of the friendliest places in Ireland.

Concern

But with this decision to close the plant, many are fearing for the sex lives of the elderly people in the area. Pfizer used to sell directly to the older consumers through their showroom at the plant, but that will be closed along with the production.

Recently the company made the decision to sell Viagra online, but this is not of any use for the older users of the product. Many of them are not technically literate enough or confident in buying their Viagra online.

Sean O’Regan, 86, is a regular user of Viagra and commented earlier saying:

I used to go down and buy a paper, a packet of John Player Blue, maybe a loaf of bread and on the way back I’d stop by the showroom and pick up some Viagra and spend the rest of the day with the wife. But they are going to take that all away from me now. People never think about how these decisions effect the livelihood of the elderly and it’s a disgrace. 

Mr O’Regan also told The Potato that his wife was after spending the last of their savings on new bondage equipment and that it will more than likely go completely to waste. He feared that now he would just be blindfolded, tied to his bed with his wife whipping him and getting no sexual gratification at all form the entire episode.

Statement

A statement released by Pfizer earlier today said:

“We’ve been faced with some stiff competition from international competitors and it was getting difficult to keep the numbers up. We know everyone here has been working longer and harder than they ever have been and apologise for the sudden release of information. We’re disappointed and upset too, but unfortunately it’s not the first time this has happened. Little Island just isn’t as attractive to us as it use to be.”

The company have not commented on the impact it may have on jobs, but this news is another blow for an already limp economic recovery. Reports are emerging that staff at the plant will be erecting a protest against the decision over the coming days.

 

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