The Catholic Church have recently tried to better understand Jesus’ message, by continually scrolling down through their Twitter feed to see what Jesus actually tweeted all those years ago.
The project is being led by father John Fitzjohn of St Mary’s Church, Dunmore East. Father John only recently joined Twitter after an iPhone was handed up in a collection basket and is a big fan. “I love it, never before have I been able to touch so many people, by tweeting the word of the lord I can turn my followers into God’s followers.”
Father John also explained his revelation in using his new found technical knowledge to find out more about the life of Jesus. “Everyone is tweeting so much about their own lives, Jerry Spillane from out the road, is always putting up shelfies of himself, often without a shelf in sight. This then got me thinking, if I can scroll back to see what Jerry was up to last week, I may be able to keep scrolling until I come across Jesus’ tweets.”
This incredible insight of simply scrolling back to Jesus’ tweets is not without difficulty however. It currently takes quite a long time to scroll. “We are currently averaging a decade a week, yes it’s tedious but we are gaining some great insights into some historical figures. Only yesterday we unearthed a tweet by Leonardo Da Vinci that read ‘asiL anoM eht no spil eht tup tsuJ. mooB.’ We are still trying to determine what it means.”
Father John finished by emphasizing that this project is vital for Christianity, “Once we see Jesus’ tweets we can finally say that Catholicism is the only form of Christianity. All we have to do is come across a tweet with reference to a pope or how uncomfortable condoms are and Bingo!, case closed on the one true Religion argument”.
Article by Paul Horan
