A 23 year old hungover woman from Clonsilla in North Dublin is preparing to ruin the healthy diet she was as she chooses which fast food outlet she is going to order from.
Kate Smith had been on the popular Cave Man Diet, which revolves around hunting and killing your own food, defecating in public and not washing for days on end.
She was also complimenting her diet with magical body wraps. Body wraps are pieces of cloth that are wrapped around certain body parts and help people to lose weight. Even though there’s no scientfic evidence at all to back up the claims of body wraps, they are used by millions of women around the world who want to lose weight without having to really do anything about it.
Kate had stuck to her health regime very strictly during the week and so decided to reward herself by going out on the lock last night.
Dealing with the physical symptoms of her hangover today, she is also trying to cope with her abandonment complex, after she failed to score last night and is contemplating the fact that no one loves her. Or ever will.
Kate will be treating both the physical and mental issues with a return to some emotional eating this evening and even though she is just going to place the same order as last Sunday – Large Pepperoni Pizza, 2 cans of coke, a side order of wings and a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream – she’ll spend 20-30 minutes flicking through menu’s from local chippers proclaiming that she just doesnt know what she wants.
The emotional eating is expected to take place on her couch this evening, where she has spent most of the day in her pyjamas, watching reruns of the Kardashians, while flicking through pictures of girls she hates on Facebook.
Kate’s fitness buzz is expected to end this tonight and she has also been linked to a series of public order offences and is wanted in connection with the murder of 6 deer that were found dead and half eaten in the Phoenix Park during the week.