In a hugely shocking turn of events, it appears that Ryanair secretly funded the Channel 4 Dispatches documentary as part of an overall marketing campaign to convince people to bring less luggage on board.
The documentary sparked huge outraged online and exposed an alleged concern over safety practices and pilots employment terms. Ryanair refuted all the claims and have began legal proceedings against the producers of the show.
But The Potato can reveal that all of this is a complex marketing campaign designed to scare people into brining less carry on luggage and checked in bag aboard Ryanair’s craft in the future.
Docuements obtained show that Ryanair wanted to leak a controversial story about the safety of the aircraft, so that when people travel with them, they will be actively shitting themselves during the flight, hence, reducing the overall weight of the craft and reducing the amount of fuel needed per flight.
In an email, one senior executive commented:
These dumb idiots are too broke to fly with anyone else, so if we can get them to shit themselves on the flight, just a few pounds of poo per person, then that could save us millions per year!
In-house reports from Ryanair also said people who were far more concerned over the safety of a flight, would pack less than usual, hoping to save some of their nicer, heavier clothes for their closed casket funeral they might be having in the event they crashed.
People tended not to bring electronic devices aboard flights they felt were going to crash and this again, reduces weight and check in times, all helping to add to Ryanair’s bottom line.
The increased level of fear on board the plane, would also drive sales of alcohol aboard the flight and crew would be able to charge an increased premium on the drinks, as many would be convinced it would be their last one anyway.
Ryanair reportedly funded the entire program and are now orchestrating a media frenzy as if they had nothing to do with it. The obvious next step was to threaten legal action and play out the rest of this PR campaign on the stage of the courts.
The fact of the matter is that the more people emptying their bowels aboard their planes the better it is for their end of year financials. Ryanair will make far more money off you if you don’t know how safe their planes are. Or aren’t… :/