If you play astro on a weekly basis, chances are you’ll notice some regular patterns from yourself and others on the pitch.
Maybe some take it too seriously, maybe some not serious enough at all, but here for you now are the 7 different types of lads that you’ll wind up playing with during a game of astro:
1: Self Proclaimed Captain
Generally shouts more than plays. Has watched too many college football movies and religiously watches Any Given Sunday before every game of astro, just so he can inspire you (between 6 and 7 every Thursday down the community centre) to greater things than you ever thought possible.
“Let’s lift it lads, come on!” Lift exactly what, he’s not quite sure. But it sounds sorta good.
2: Average Lad Who Think’s He’s Far Better Than He Actually Is
Average lad gets really, really angry with himself when he can’t beat 7 players and ping an overheard volley, top corner, blind folded, from the far end of the pitch. He’s got class boots, the socks are up to the knees and he likes to think that he could have made it professionally.
He couldn’t have.
3: The Introvert With Anger Issues
Won’t open his mouth for the entire game, but as time goes on, you can see the internal anger build within his messed up mind. He’s the guy no one likes to piss off, or tackle too hard for fear that he might actually walk off the pitch and take a shotgun to a local supermarket. :/
4: Token Shite Lad
Is your mate who never played ball in his life, but you were down numbers and needed someone last minute. They’re into music and multi media and spend the game prancing around the middle of the pitch trying to decide which filter to use on their Instagram picture of the match.
5: Lad You Secretly Hate
For some unknown reason, there’s one lad you play with weekly, that you hate more than any other person you’ve ever hated in your life. Call it a personality clash, or maybe they’re just a dick, but you hate this man and will wind up two footing him into the wall.
Even if he’s on your own team.
6: The Whinger
“Eeeeeewwwwwww, lads why won’t any of you’s get back and defend?!?!? I here on my own the whoooooole time. SERIOUSLY LADS?!?!?”. Coz fuck you. That’s why.
7: Class Fat Lad
There’s always one fat lad on any given astro pitch, who looks like he’s about to fall over and die of a heart attack, but turns out to have the touch, poise and finesse of a world-class footballer.
Each and every week he’ll wow every single person on the pitch with one moment of pure magic that he doesn’t even celebrate, because it brings him back to a time in his past where he could have made it, and everyone knows it.
All that remains now from this majestic beast, is a dodgy knee and a broken dream.
So, there we have it. The 7 different lad types you’ll play with.
Comment below if there’s any we’ve missed and tag your mates and let them figure out which one they are…