Ireland’s dumbest parents are all expected to converge in Balbriggan this weekend for the Universal Royalty Beauty Pageant – a competition that will see children as young as one year old pitted against each other and harshly judged on nothing more than looks.
The beauty contest has been specifically designed to prey on the urges of parents with self esteem issues. People enter their own children hoping that they will somehow make up for their own shortcomings in life.
The ridiculously stupid Irish parents have entered their children into the competition completely aware that there is a swimsuit section of the show. American organiser Annette Hill even jokingly commentated that ” the swimsuit event is judged on the basis of personality first and foremost“, even though personality doesn’t actually need a swimsuit to be seen.
Many claim that the parents own personal insecurities, lack of attention as a child and desperation for any form of success in life has completely blinded them to the fact that they will be parading their children in swimwear in front of a huge crowd, even though there is no pool used during the competition at any stage.
Parents are getting really excited about the pageant, looking forward to living their dreams through their children and at the same time ensuring that their child develops even more complex psychological and emotional disorders that will last for many years to come.
€20,000 will be spent on the event this weekend as reports recently indicated that ruining the emotional well-being of children is in fact an expensive industry to get involved in.
However, trends from the industry do show that the investment pays off, with children keeping those issues for many years to come.
The event will take place in Balbriggan at a yet to be disclosed hotel this weekend and any parent interested in completely screwing up their children’s life should first ring the social services in their area and report themselves for the emotional abuse of their own children.