In a shocking move this afternoon, the FAI have revealed that Louis Walsh will be taking over as manager of the Irish senior football team.
The news comes after Giovanni Trapattoni has left his position as manager, after what is being reported as mutual agreement from himself and the FAI after last nights defeat to Austria. Reports have also linked Trapattoni with a managerial position in Macari’s Takeaway in Blanchardstown Viallage.
The FAI have decided to bring Walsh in for his unique ability to work with talentless young Irish men and turn them into international successes – something that is very much needed with the current set up.
In a statement released by the FAI this afternoon they commented that:
Louis Walsh is one of the most successful managers to have ever come out of Ireland. He has a unique ability to work with young men who have absolutely no talent and turn them into worldwide successes. His history with Boyzone and Westlife are testament to that fact and we could really do with someone like him with our current selection of players on the squad. He’s also no stranger to some of the biggest sporting arenas in the world, having played everywhere from Croke Park, to the Aviva Stadium and even Wembley.
Louis Walsh has a fantastic record both a home and right across Europe.
The FAI are confident that he will be able to mould the current team members into international successes like he has done numerous times before.
Reports suggest that Walsh will be bringing in his very own backroom staff, that will include a dietician, a voice coach to help improve team communication and a choreographer to improve the footwork and technical skills of each individual player.
Trainings for the up coming internationals will no longer be held in Malahide, but will instead see the entire squad move into Walsh’s apartment.
They will be notified if they have made the team by attending a one to one with Walsh, that will be recorded on camera so that their reactions can be captured and later added to slow emotional piano music, for dramatic TV viewing.
Although many will not be happy with the FAI’s decision, Walsh’s CV stands up to scrutiny at the highest level and if everyone’s honest, things can’t get much worse anyway for the standard of Irish football currently on offer.
Additional content Therese Ryan.