3 Mayo Men Declared Dead In Attempt To Secure Sam Maguire

Dublin Mayo Football Final

Enda Kenny TD took a historical step today by legally declaring three Irish citizens dead who are in fact still very much alive.

The men, the last surviving members of the cursed 1951 Mayo team, are to be declared legally dead until the full time whistle blows in Croke Park tomorrow. This declaration of expiration will, it is hoped, finally put an end to the curse that has prevented Mayo from lifting the Sam Maguire for the past 6 decades.

Speaking anonymously to The Potato today a prominent Mayo TD said, “Look I said we should just go and finish these lads off ourselves last year, but feck it Enda was all against it on the grounds that it would be murder or something.”

The TD (known only to us as M. Mulherin) continued, “So a few of us came up with this loophole. We reckon curses respect the law above all else so if the law says these three lads are dead then the curse will have to abide by it.”

Lives Back

Anonymous TD Michelle M. went on to tell us that Enda Kenny has promised once the Sam Maguire is safely back across the Shannon the men can get their lives back. She refused to be drawn on what would happen to the men if Mayo did not win since that is “next to impossible.”

Many have questioned whether or not the Curse of 1951 actually exists. Some have gone as far as to say that it is merely Mayo’s ability to choke on important occasions and their love of wide-balls in big matches which have kept them from the title all these years.

Michelle Mulherin, speaking again under the promise of anonymity, said anyone who criticised Mayo and denied the existence of the curse were just “a bunch of unreasonable no-craic arseholes.”

“Fuck the lot of them,” She said. “G’wan Mayo!”

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