Marathon Runner Finds Jesus Christ After Nipple Stigmata

Dublin City Marathon 2013

Dublin City Marathon runner Andrew Byrnes has today proclaimed his devotion to the word of Jesus Christ, after experiencing severe stigmata during today’s race.

Stigmata is a term used by Catholics to describe the pain and bleeding people experience, that relate to the crucifixion of Jesus Christ on the cross.

After several hours of running, Andrew was shocked to discover that he himself was bleeding in this religious fashion, as blood was pouring from his nipples.

It is not traditionally believed that Jesus was nailed to the cross via his nipples, but this latest case has thrown that into dispute.

Reports of other people experiencing the same type of nipple stigmata has apparently been reported for many years before and has forced the current Pope to investigate the incidents.

Andrew says after seeing his bleeding nipples, he was overcome with emotion, shock and adrenaline and finished the race faster than ever before. And he puts that down to the power of the Lord Jesus Christ.

He has vowed to dedicate his life to the son of God and is planning on setting up a religous running club where all those blessed with nipple stigmata can run together and worship the Lord as one.

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