Welfare Minister To Clamp Down On Fashionistas And Other Made Up Job Titles

Joan Burton Ireland TD

By Brian Moss

Welfare Minister Joan Burton has hit out at self-styled Socialites and Fashionista’s claiming that technically (and in every other way) they are unemployed and so must attend job and training incentives just like everyone else.

Mrs Burton, speaking in an even more loud and shrillish voice than usual said:

These people can no longer be exempt from training programmes and work programmes such as JobBridge and work placement programmes by calling themselves by these made up job titles. The employment programmes may be a load of shite but at least people on them don’t appear on Xpose talking gack about last week’s X-Factor which really pisses people off… what is a f@&king socialite anyway’

A clearly irritated Mrs Burton also hit out at Fashionista’s

‘It’s the same as with the socialite thing, there is no such thing as a Fashionista’s, seriously try look it up, Google doesn’t even recognises it so how can someone be one? We went through a phase of trying to be all American during the boom. I blame Sex and the City, I mean did you ever see a cappuccino or Americano until that load of bo@%ox was on the telly? We need to stop fooling ourselves, were a tiny inbred Island of the west coast of Europe’

‘We’ve a load of these people floating about who are bad influences on the unemployed who think that if they copy them they don’t have to look for work or pay tax. Just look at the likes of Lorraine Keane, Barry Egan, and that Amanda Brunker. We know they’re all drawing the dole and getting a few quid for going to the openings of chip bags and not paying tax, and we’re going to crack down on this practice’.

Former Xpose presenter Lorraine Keane drew the most ire from the Labour TD,

‘Every week that gobshite Barry Egan interviews her for the Sindo, she’s been saying the same f@^king thing for five years…I didn’t get sacked from TV3, I love my kids, I’m going to Marbs (Marbella) to celebrate an anniversary of some sort, I mean who actually cares…?

Sunday Independent social diarist Barry Egan didn’t escape the Ministers attention either

‘Why does he write about people that no one has ever heard of as if they were Hollywood A listers, talking yack about their fantastic holidays and houses and shite, most of their houses are in NAMA anyways for f@$ks sake, and here’s some advice, no one gives a f@$k about  Lisa Murphy or that creep of a lawyer fella Gerald Keane’s on off wedding..  He needs stop writing this crap and get an actual real job!’

A clearly aggravated minister will be taking steps over the next few weeks to ensure that all those using made up titles will be forced to engage with social welfare services in retraining and finding full-time, proper employment.

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