Irish Rugby Team Planning Piss Up Ahead of New Zealand Test

Ireland New Zealand Rugby 2013

Joe Schmidt has today confirmed that the Irish rugby team will be forced to go out on a serious bender ahead of Sunday’s test match against New Zealand. 

The Irish manager made the decision after careful analysis of the Australian set up. Australia beat Ireland 15-32 last weekend at the Aviva, after 6 of their players went out on the lock the night before.

Schmidt is hoping that by modelling the Irish preparation on Australian’s, they can drastically improve their performance on the pitch.

New Zealand are ranked number 1 in the world at the moment and Schmidt is hoping that by ensuring the entire Irish team is still slightly drunk playing against them, they can improve their chances of beating them – or at least not losing so badly.

Speaking about the decision Schmidt said:

By using this internationally proven, world class preparation system, pioneered by the Aussies, we hope to see huge gains in performance. If the players are still slightly drunk on the pitch, their inhibitions will be lower, along with their threshold for pain. All that means better rugby and bad news for the Kiwi’s.

The Irish team are expected to descend on the city centre on Saturday evening, where a 4am reverse curfew has been put in place – meaning that no player will be allowed to return to hotel until after that time.

Breathalysers will also be on hand by training staff to ensure a high blood-alcohol level has been reached by every player on the team. Failure to do so will result in players being sent to the residents bar until an acceptable amount of alcohol has been consumed.

Ireland face New Zealand this Sunday in the Aviva, kick off 14:00

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Additional Content: Therese Ryan

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