RTÉ Radio One’s flagship Religious Current Affairs Programme ‘The God Slot’ has sensationally claimed that they can cure ‘Gayness’ in Ireland via the use of hymns and passages they will read out on air from a book widely believed to be a work of fiction.
The book entitled ‘The Bible’ tells the story of a lonely 33 year old carpenter who still lives with his mum, with an awful fashion sense (Sandals and a scraggy white open shirt? OMG it’s so 45 BC you wouldn’t even believe) and his courageous story of riding around on a donkey telling people to be nice and friendly before a Roman Emperor nails him to a piece of Wood.
The book then goes all ‘M. Night Shyamalan’, as it is revealed that Jesus (the loner) wakes up 3 days after his death and flies into the sky to meet his real father (God) who impregnated Mary on a hillside while her partner (Joseph) was doing the dishes at home.
The twitter account for the show posed the question “Can gays be cured of being gay?” to the outrage of thousands of people, who doubted the sincerity of the tweet due to the fact that the question was so outrageously stupid. An LGBTQ spokesperson simply replied ‘No, but hopefully we can cure Christians of Christianity’ by reading sample passages from the book ‘Bridget Jones Diary’.
The show, which airs later this evening, will contain a mixture of passages from the book (which seems to have a load of unqualified writers) that will apparently convert homosexuals but, will also condone the use of slaves and murdering babies off rocks.
The book heavily backed by the Catholic Church, now famous for its oppression of women, child sex abuse and vast stolen wealth, is now somehow sensationally still seen as a moral compass for those wishing to live happy, unfulfilled and bigoted lives.
When ousted on social media, the ‘God Slot’ replied that it’s just “fascism masquerading as liberalism”. Although the show is based around the belief system against necessary abortion, homosexuality and equal rights for women, the general public who just wanted to experience love are now deemed ‘Fascists’.
Can RTE be cured of the TheGodSlot? Try by not listening tonight.