Nightclub Photographer Imagines Killing Everyone

nightclub

Nightclub Photographer Niall Hagan (32), has admitted to wanting to murder nearly everyone he photographs while in front of the camera, the Potato can reveal today.

By Christian Talbot

Niall, who has been taking photographs of revellers at nightclubs around Dublin for the last 8 years, confessed that there wasn’t a day that went by where he didn’t think of going on a killing spree.

“My working week begins on a Thursday night. At that stage I look on the weekend ahead with a bit of optimism and positivity, but by 3am on Friday morning, having photographed nearly 300, pissed-up, gurning students, I’m about ready to murder every single one of them in cold blood.

We asked Niall which night in particular was the worst for him to cope with.

“Saturdays are the worst by far. Not only are there students but also a whole pile of other human detritus. Office parties, birthdays, Stag and Hens. I’ve got to go around photographing them all for the nightclub’s Facebook page. Every night it’s same thing. Groups of mugging idiots in “Where’s Wally?” costumes or Borat “Mankinis”. Inevitably, more than one of these “people” will come up to me during the night, point at my zoom lens and say “Are you trying to compensate for something?” and then laugh hysterically. It take every fibre of my being not to beat them to death with my camera bag.

“Some Native Americans believed that having their photo taken would steal their soul, but for me, with every click of the shutter, my soul slowly diminishes as another small piece of me dies. Often when I take a photo, I imagine the camera is a gun and I’m shooting everyone in a firing squad. Sometimes I even make the noise of a machine gun. ‘Duga duga duga duga duga!’.

We asked if there might some perks to job. Meeting celebrities perhaps?

“Last month I took over 900 photos of drunken dickheads posing with Boney M at the Wright Venue. It wasn’t even the original Boney M, just some has-beens fucking about to a backing track. If anything, their eyes were deader than mine. You call that a fucking perk?”

 

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