Gooch Undergoes Cruciate Surgery; Runs Marathon, Rescues Orphans

the-gooch-cooper

Having undergone surgery on a cruciate ligament injury sustained during a match for his club Dr. Croakes, Crocked Kerry GAA Superstar Colm “Gooch” Cooper has begun his road to recuperation by declaring that his knee is “grand” before embarking on a full Marathon just for the craic.

By Gerry McBride

Deeming the injury to be “nothing”, the 8-time All Star clocked a personal best during the grueling road race as he dismissed fears that his football season was over for the year as “pure shite”.

“A ruptured cruciate ligament?” said the furnace headed Kerryman as he performed 100 Star Jumps. “That wouldn’t stop me. They stitched it up on the inside and told me to rest it, but I have no heed in that. I’m not saying it doesn’t sting, but sure I sprayed Deep Heat on it. It’s grand. I’ll rest it in the Winter, if I have time”.

In a statement released on their website, the Kerry GAA board spoke highly of Coopers grit and determination to return to activity.

“If he says he’s ready to play, then we’re powerless to stop him” read the statement. “You don’t really tell Colm Cooper what to do. We told him we would rather he waited until the doctors cleared him to return, but he responded by kicking holes in a block wall until we told him he could tog out again”.

Goochs ability to return to Kerrys 2014 All-Ireland campaign will come as a serious concern to many teams who may not have publicly expressed relief at the news of his injury, but secretly really did.

Celebratory parties being held in several GAA clubs up and down the country ground to a solemn halt at the news of the Killarney kicking machines return to form after a mere 40 minutes of rehabilitation.

Attempts to ask Mr. Cooper if he had a message for any of those teams fell on deaf ears, as he was too busy putting out a fire in an orphanage by kicking O’Neills size 5 footballs really hard past the windows.

Read: Alarming Number of Students Still Convinced Leaving Cert Is Important

Image: RTE

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