Sochi 2014: Olympic Torch Snuffed Out For Being Flaming

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Welcome to the first day of coverage of the 22nd Winter Olympic Games. The Potato will be here to give you all the stories from Sochi 2014.

Olympic Torch

The Olympic torch relay met with trouble yesterday when government officials extinguished the eternal symbol of the games before entering Sochi.

A government spokesperson announced at a press conference that “We had to kill the flame for it was believed to be gay propaganda. Official policy states we must get rid of anything that is flaming.”

Opening Ceremony

A record 88 counties will be competing in this year’s event, including  a few debutantes many of whom have illegalised homosexuality like Uganda and Saudi Arabia.

“Were not here for the sports, were here for the gay bashing” said one Ugandan athlete.

Bad weather may dampen spirits but Russian President, Vladimir Putin, has made sure there won’t be any gay rainbows.

Figure Skating

The first Olympic event, which in fact started yesterday, figure skating, has been cancelled after every athlete in the event was arrested for being gay. Surprisingly, Russia were leading the competition before the event was cancelled.

Biathlon

The Biathlon, which is scheduled to take place tomorrow, has also been cancelled and replaced by the Heteroathlon. The biathlon was seen as too sexually alternative as would a transathlon or homoathlon.

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