The Freedom of the City of Dublin has been awarded to legendary rugby star Brian O’Driscoll at a reception in the Mansion House. Sources close to the now ex-international player have suggested that O’Driscoll will take full advantage of the ancient rights and privileges that being a freeman of the city affords to him.
By Sean Rothar
One source suggests that O’Driscoll is keen to advance on the work of Bono by starting a sheep farm in St. Stephen’s Green. “Well, for Bono, it was just a stunt,” a close friend said. “But for Brian, the right to graze sheep on common ground within the city is an opportunity not to be missed.”
“It’ll be called ‘The Baa-Baas Farm’ – rugby themed, of course; each sheep will be named after an international player. First one will be named after Shane Horgan… for obvious reasons.” The close friend declined to comment any further.
Goods and Imports
Some of O’Driscoll’s Leinster team-mates have other suggestions. A Leinster and Ireland colleague of O’Driscoll – preferring to remain anonymous – went into detail: “Now that Brian has the right to bring goods into the city without paying custom duties, we’re getting him to set up a depot in the Docklands. The first shipment in will be a lifetime supply of Powerade, naturally.”
“But after that, we’re dreaming big. Just imagine; without custom duties, it’ll be less than 50 cents per litre on petrol and diesel… and that’s just the start. Let’s just say that we see trade – particularly imports – becoming a huge part of Brian’s retirement plans.”
While many of O’Driscoll’s close friends are excited by the benefits that freedom of the city brings, reports have emerged that there are family members who are less than pleased.
“Everyone knows how supportive Amy has been of Brian throughout his career,” a family friend reported, “but the law that states a freeman or woman must own a bow, a coat of mail, a helmet and a sword is asking a lot. Especially when there’s a young child in the house – no mother wants arrows and swords anywhere near their home, yet that’s what this award demands.”
As notable figures continue to congratulate O’Driscoll on the prestigious honour, Ireland’s Head Coach Joe Schmidt has been actively seeking legal advice in relation to the ancient duties that freedom of the city entails. “In the main, we’re seeking clarification on two duties in particular,” Schmidt began.
“Firstly, a freeman/woman must be ready to defend Dublin from attack. Secondly, a freeman/woman may be called up to join a city militia at short notice. Ultimately, the IRFU aims to be officially rebranded as a militia so that-” Schmidt explained with a sly grin, “when France and England visit Dublin for the Six Nations next time out, we can call Brian up and he’ll be obligated to join.”