Dunboyne Ecstatic As Damien Whittaker Finally Joins Facebook

damien-whittaker

The “only photo” he had to use as a profiler.

Dunboyne locals are today celebrating, as news of Damien Whittaker’s recent decision to join Facebook spreads throughout the self proclaimed Republic.

The social media network was set up in 2004, meaning that it only took Whittaker 10 entire years to take the exciting step online. Experts are now predicting that it should be 2021 before people can expect to see him on Instagram.

Parade

A float in the St. Patrick’s Day parade in Dunboyne has been dedicated to the momentous occasion. The float will drive through the village, where Mr Whittaker will be on his on his laptop, not really sure what he’s at but sure doing it anyway.

Damien Whittaker in a funny hat.

Damien Whittaker in a funny hat.

Local Counsellor Noel Leonard has also agreed to commission a bronze statue to mark the historic moment.

The statue is rumoured to cost close to €100,000 and will display Damien Whittaker losing his shit and smashing a phone off the ground. The statue will be erected on the path outside Kelly’s.

Residents are reportedly happier about Whittaker joining Facebook than they are about the Irish Rugby team winning the Six Nations and people can expect to see the celebrations lasting long into Monday morning, of next weekend.

Read: Thousands Mourn Loss Of Gordan D’Arcy’s Beard

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