BREAKING: Alan Shatter Resigns His Position As Minister For Justice

Alan shatter

Breaking news coming today has revealed that Alan Shatter, has resigned his position as Minister for Justice, after a string of controversies surrounding his department came to light recently.

The former Minister had been dealing with a number of issues involving penalty points whistle-blowers, the forced resignation of Martin Callinan the former Garda Commissioner and the most recent revelation of phone conversations being secretly recorded in Garda stations around the country.

Shatter has decided to step down, as it became apparent that he is incredibly incompetent and in reality hasn’t a fucking clue about what he is meant to be doing.

A replacement for Shatter has already been found too. Dublin Zoo has provided “HoBo”, a trained Central American Squirrel Monkey, that was going to be put down this week, but will instead take over Shatter’s position.

It is thought that the monkey will instill a new level of confidence in the Department of Justice and bring about a stability and level of competence that has been missing from the Department of Justice for some time.

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