Dublin cocaine dealer Skinny Pablo has dismissed claims that Ireland will not be having snow this Christmas and is confident that it’s going to be one of the whitest festive seasons yet.
The entrepreneur has hit out at MET Eireann’s latest weather reports and says that based on his own Excel sheet data, one of the biggest blizzards is going to hit the entire country this December.
Improved economic conditions and a slow return of the Celtic Tiger have all factored in to create the perfect meteorological conditions for a huge snow storm this year.
Commenting further he said:
“MET Eireann are talkin out their hoop – there’s going to be tons of snow found around Ireland this Xmas. We’re not even ready for it. New snow storms are going to be appearing in places that have never had them before. People won’t be able to cope.”
He claims homes and business are ill prepared for the treacherous conditions he’s predicting.
Sandra “The Hover” Heaney, a PR executive working in Dublin said the snow was so bad last night that it’s still all over her apartment – everywhere from the carpet, to the kitchen table and it even made it’s way into the bathroom somehow.
“I’ve never seen it this bad ever. It was a complete whiteout last night with more and more people being affected by it. At one stage I was walking through 2 foot of snow INSIDE my apartment. So bad I couldn’t even make it into work this morning.”
Conditions are set to get worse over the coming weeks, as a wave of high pressure xmas parties are causing more and more scattered snow showers to appear around the country.
And, the storms are appearing in areas when they never have before. They are becoming harder to predict.
Last night 3 care workers at a retirement home work xmas party, found themselves in the middle of a blizzard. Unprepared, one of them lost control and spent 4 hours fist pumping to Skrillex while humping the leg of a 92 year old man. The man got a sudden erection and then had a stroke.
Skinny Pablo is welcoming the news of the white xmas, but is warning people that have never experienced the heavy downpours to be extra vigilant and well prepared.