Report: Woman ‘Really Stressed Out in Work’ Actually Does Sweet Fuck All

woman stressed at work

A groundbreaking internal investigation has today unveiled that a woman who claimed to be “really stressed out in work”, actually does sweet fuck all.

The HR department in MediaCo – a market research firm based in Dublin – received several complaints from 31 year old Alison Quinn about her workload over a 6 month period.

She made her concerns public, by first constantly moaning about how tough her job was, to everyone in the office, even though she wasn’t actually doing a thing.

Hard

She’d spend hours on end complaining about how her job was worse than theirs and how everything was “so unfair.”.

However, turns out it may not have been the case. One of her colleagues commented that:

“The hardest part of her poxy day was spending all that time complaining about how shit her job was. If it wasn’t so insulting to the rest of us, I’d be admired at her level of creativity being able to come up with so much horseshit. It’s actually a huge mental feat – a fucking insane one, but huge none the less.”

Colleagues say that Quinn’s dedication to brainstorming new ways about how her job was stressful was impressive, but that it didn’t help the overall projects they were working on.

Findings

After a very quick internal investigation, the HR department was forced to conclude that she did “sweet fuck all”.

Simon Foley, who lead the investigation said “the more I looked into it the more confused I got. She was 30 minutes late everyday, spent her time in work online shopping and booking holidays and left hours before everyone else. She literally did nothing, why she was stressed, I’ve absolutely no fucking idea.”

Delusional Disorder

So extreme were the findings that her employer felt they had a strong duty of care towards her and referred her to get evaluated by a mental health professional.

Fears were growing that she may be suffering from a condition know as “Delusional Disorder“, where she holds beliefs about real life that doesn’t have any basis in reality.

“It’s the only thing that makes sense. She literally does nothing. Where she gets the idea that she’s overworked and stressed is more worrying than anything else”, Foley commented further.

Outbreak

And reports are suggesting it’s not just Quinn who may be affected. Many people are now presenting as having a workplace delusional disorder, where they don’t do any work, yet feel they are being persecuted in their jobs and their lives.

This heightened level of self importance and entitlement is a danger to themselves professionally and to an organisation overall.

 

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