Breaking news today about a mundane trivial story that’s just hard to believe is actually true!
It’s “breaking” because that gives the impression of more drama, action and excitement, even though there really is nothing of any substance here at all.
Tried and tested psychological tricks will be used to hijack your attention and manipulate your online behaviour.
If successful, you’ll have forgotten about the main reason you came online in the first place and will have about 74 tabs open in your browser – reflecting the unorganised and unfocused state of your own personal life.
There won’t be any huge revelations or even that many words in the article – but there will be an attractive model in a suggestive position as the main image.
It will also hugely over promise and grossly under deliver on content.
There won’t be any analysis or research into the topic to add more weight and value. That would take time and effort.
Instead, there’s just random tweets padding out the article so there’s less work to be done.
i saw an old man playing golf whilst eating a sandwich and he got it right in
— alex lewin (@alexlewin4) December 16, 2015
9) i ate cat food once cause it smelled good and i wanted to know what my cat felt like………
— junhoe owns this ass (@jnhoes) December 13, 2015
This morning i was woken from my sleep by the smell of another man’s fart.
— Brittany Boynton (@britt_boynton) December 16, 2015
Another Emotionally Charged Buzzword
We’ll keep you posted on all the outrageous developments of the non story as it breaks, ensuring more and more of your time is robbed and wasted on things that in no way matters to your life.