This week has been crazy.
I went on a date with the rugby player. He eventually text me after a sent him a nude selfie.
He was really dumb. I don’t even know if he knows what words are! I think it’s because I’m really hot. There was a really romantic bit, when he got up to do a wee, I could see he had a boner.
The sex was shit. It lasted 14 seconds. Which wasn’t great. He started crying afterwards. He said he’d get in trouble if his manager found out because he has to fight a wasp on the weekend? I don’t like wasps.
Wasps are bad and can sting. Stings hurt.
So to help my modelling career, I’m getting new boobs. My agent said I should do it because I’ll get more money for photo shoots and dirty lad mags.
So many of my friends have gotten them, I feel so left out! Ha. I’d love to get Marc Jacobs boobs.
I tell people to be comfortable in their own skin. But I don’t believe that.
I’ll look hotter and maybe an even more famous person might date me. Then I’ll get in more papers.
The boobies will help my career and also cover up my crippling insecurities about my fading looks. If only I could fill in the emotional void with 2 bags of silicon!
Some people are mad that I’m getting new boobies.
Someone said they are bad and that I should do feminism instead – but I’m already doing yoga twice a week! I have no time.
I’m going to see the rugby player again. He is really good friends with one of the better looking and more famous Leinster players. So it makes sense. It’s a good stepping stone if I want to suck him off in the future.
I’ve loads coming up next week and will keep you updated on my new silicon puppies when I get them.
I might set up an Instagram account for them!