Official: Stoneybatter To Become Protected Hipster Reserve

stoneybatter-hipster

The Irish Wildlife Trust has today announced that Stoneybatter, Dublin is to become an official protected nature reserve, established to conserve Ireland’s hipster population. 

The decision was made as it was noted by environmental scientists that the region had become heavily inhabited by the hipster species.

Overtime the bearded men and women converged on the area for it’s close location to water, restaurants that serve things out of jars and ‘hilarious’ chalk boards.

Concerns

However, concerns are growing that the population may be in decline. Researchers have noted a reduction in overall numbers and fear that the hipsters may not be reproducing at sustainable rates – because sex is so 2006.

The last time a hiptser was seen wearing a cape on a unicycle was July 2015 and numbers doing the annual migration from Stoneybatter to the Body and Soul area in Electric Picnic were down significantly.

The new Stoneybatter National Hipster Reserve will protect the currently flock. It will also re-home other hipsters from around the country to the area too –  this is also a measure to avoid cross contamination with normal homo sapiens.

It is hoped that all Irish hipsters will be homed in the protected reserve over the next 3 years and anyone who spots one outside the confines of the park are asked to contact the IWT immediately.

People are reminded not to approach or feed the hipsters, because you’re food is probably too cheap and shit to satisfy their vegan fueled, gluten free, organic free range diets.

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