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Bill Murray Does Whatever He Damn Well Pleases

Bill Murray Does Whatever He Damn Well Pleases

A regular visitor to Ireland, the actor Bill Murray has been spotted in various parts of the country, gate crashing parties, acting erratically and generally just being Bill Murray. By… Read more »

Nightclub Photographer Imagines Killing Everyone

Nightclub Photographer Imagines Killing Everyone

Nightclub Photographer Niall Hagan (32), has admitted to wanting to murder nearly everyone he photographs while in front of the camera, the Potato can reveal today. By Christian Talbot Niall,… Read more »

U2 Postpone New Album Until Someone Else Important Dies

U2 Postpone New Album Until Someone Else Important Dies

In Hollywood last night, U2 picked up the Golden Globe award for Best Original Song for “Ordinary Love”, as featured in the Nelson Mandela biopic “Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom”…. Read more »

Scientists Hail “Artificial Emotional Intelligence” Computer

Scientists Hail “Artificial Emotional Intelligence” Computer

Irish scientists were to today celebrating what they claim to be a breakthrough in computer science. Researchers at University College Cork unveiled what they believe to be the first computer… Read more »

Orange Order Strives To Make Twelfth of July “Inclusive”

Orange Order Strives To Make Twelfth of July “Inclusive”

On the Twelfth of July, the pinnacle of the Orange Order’s marching season in Ulster, The Potato’s Northern Ireland correspondent, Christian Talbot looks at how the organisation is opening up,… Read more »

RTE Stars Fear For Jobs

RTE Stars Fear For Jobs

Following the Greek government’s decision to switch off it’s state broadcaster ERT in order to save money, fear is spreading in Montrose that a similar fate may be in store… Read more »

Man Uses Hay Fever As Excuse To Cry In Public.

Man Uses Hay Fever As Excuse To Cry In Public.

The blazing sun, high temperatures and blue skies haven’t just been a boon for tourists and barbeque enthusiasts. Sligo Town’s Hugo Nolan (48) has been using the current good weather… Read more »

Dublin DJ Admits To Having No Discernible Skills

Dublin DJ Admits To Having No Discernible Skills

Today in a ground breaking interview with The Potato, DJ Alan Rodgers (32) of Swords Co Dublin, otherwise known as DJ Cokehead, finally came clean about having no discernible skills… Read more »

New Sales Drive For Dublin Sex Shop

New Sales Drive For Dublin Sex Shop

Today the Dublin branch of Ann Summers announced a radical new initiative to entice customers into their O’Connell Street store. The number of traditional visitors to the shop including hen… Read more »

Prominent Republican Resigns Over Conflict of Interest

Prominent Republican Resigns Over Conflict of Interest

Following much media speculation and controversy, prominent Irish Republican and former Sinn Fein member, Eoghan O’Suilleabhain (42), for the first time in an interview today with The Potato, explains the… Read more »

Tom Cruise’s Trip To Dublin Set To Save Economy

Tom Cruise’s Trip To Dublin Set To Save Economy

As Tom Cruise waved goodbye to Ireland today, many businesses were bracing themselves for a surge in tourist custom as a direct consequence of the diminutive actors visit. Cruise, who… Read more »

Diageo Demands Church Closures on Arthur’s Day

Diageo Demands Church Closures on Arthur’s Day

  Diageo, the owners of Guinness and Smirnoff vodka have hit out at the Irish government and the Catholic Church over pub closures on Good Friday. The law, dating from… Read more »

Toll Booth Operative Just Wants To Finish Book

Toll Booth Operative Just Wants To Finish Book

Toll booth operator James Gaffney (23) of Laytown Co Meath, who regularly works the night shift on the M1 toll plaza, today expressed his wish to be able to finish… Read more »

Man Out Walking Dog Finds Nothing of Interest

Man Out Walking Dog Finds Nothing of Interest

Boyle man, Turlough Hurley (56) has walked his dog through Lough Key forest park in Co Roscommon every evening for the past 12 years and has yet to see anything… Read more »

New Pope Head-hunted by Start-up Religions

New Pope Head-hunted by Start-up Religions

Yesterday evening in Rome, even before the white smoke had time to dissipate above the Vatican, Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio, or to give him his new title, Pope Francis the First,… Read more »

Dublin Junkies Demand To Be Featured In Paddy’s Day Parade

Dublin Junkies Demand To Be Featured In Paddy’s Day Parade

Today, Dekko Maher (26 but looks about 40), the spokesman for the Federation of Irish Drug Addicts told journalists that his organisation were pushing for better representation at this year’s… Read more »

Dublin Music Fan Finally Done With Van Morrison

Dublin Music Fan Finally Done With Van Morrison

Dublin music fan, Eoin Gill (48) of Rathmines, today finally admitted to himself that he just doesn’t like Van Morrison anymore. Gill, who had been an avid fan of the… Read more »

Radical Feminist Still Searching for Reason to Criticise Mother’s Day

Radical Feminist Still Searching for Reason to Criticise Mother’s Day

UCD politics and philosophy student Laura Watts (21) today conceded that she was still searching in vain for a reason to criticise Mother’s Day. “I really thought by now I’d… Read more »

Woman Disappointed With Children On Mother’s Day

Woman Disappointed With Children On Mother’s Day

Today, on Mothering Sunday, Fidelma Fanning (65) of Ardee, Co Louth used a Mother’s Day carvery lunch at the Carrickdale hotel to express her deep disappointment in how her children… Read more »

Jack Nicholson confesses, “I’ve been celibate for 30 years”

Jack Nicholson confesses, “I’ve been celibate for 30 years”

In a shock revelation to the Potato today, the two times Oscar winner and legendary Hollywood lothario, Jack Nicholson (75) admitted that he’d not had sex for over 30 years…. Read more »

Man Regrets Telling Girlfriend “We’re Doing It Twice”

Man Regrets Telling Girlfriend “We’re Doing It Twice”

At the weekend, Ryan Daly (28) of Churchtown, Dublin, celebrated his birthday with his girlfriend of three years, Helen Butler at the Towers Hotel, Waterford. Over their romantic dinner on Friday… Read more »

Passive-Aggressive Colleague Just Won’t Give Up

Passive-Aggressive Colleague Just Won’t Give Up

Employees in the accounting department of Ferguson Insurance today vented their frustration at the fact that their colleague Carol just won’t shut the fuck up and do things for herself. Accounts… Read more »

Ballyfermot Man Ostracised for Love of Unpopular Liqueur

Ballyfermot Man Ostracised for Love of Unpopular Liqueur

Ballyfermot man, Ronan “Rashers” Kelly (37), an unemployed former plasterer and father of two, has spoken for the first time about his exclusion from family, friends and the wider community… Read more »

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