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10 Ways The New Pope Can Make Mass Cool

10 Ways The New Pope Can Make Mass Cool

Whoever is elected Pope has some challenges ahead. But, how can he make mass cool? How can he appeal to a new generation of potential believers, in a digital, technology… Read more »

Conclave Fined For Breaching Carbon Tax Laws

Conclave Fined For Breaching Carbon Tax Laws

High ranking members of the world’s largest cult were fined today by the Italian Government, who in turn were instructed to do so by the European Union, after severe breaches of carbon emission laws…. Read more »

St. Patrick To Step Down As Patron Saint Of Ireland

St. Patrick To Step Down As Patron Saint Of Ireland

In a surprise and shocking move, it has just been announced that St. Patrick will be stepping down as the patron saint of Ireland. The decision comes less than a week before… Read more »

Bi-Polar Weather Admitted To Psychiatric Ward

Bi-Polar Weather Admitted To Psychiatric Ward

Ireland’s mental weather has been admitted to St. Brendan’s Psychiatric Hospital in Dublin, after a spate of erratic behaviour caused alarm bells to be raised. The weather will undergo several psychological tests and… Read more »

Berlusconi To Serve Sentence in Female Prison

Berlusconi To Serve Sentence in Female Prison

Yesterday, Italian ex-prime minister Silvio Berlusconi was handed down a one year sentence for his part in the Wire-trap Scandal. It has since emerged that Berlusconi’s legal team lodged a… Read more »

Senator Fidelma Healy Eames Wants Frape Crisis Centre

Senator Fidelma Healy Eames Wants Frape Crisis Centre

  (Rob Stears Illustrations) Social Media guru, Senator Fidelma Healy Eames, has today urged the government to open up a Frape Crisis Centre for everyone effected from being “raped on… Read more »

Property Tax To Be Charged On IP Addresses

Property Tax To Be Charged On IP Addresses

The Transport and Communications committee has today decided to charge property tax on all Irish IP addresses. The decision came in this mornings meeting on the irresponsible use of social media at the… Read more »

Minister Live-Tweets from ‘Irresponsible Use of Social Media’ Meeting

Minister Live-Tweets from ‘Irresponsible Use of Social Media’ Meeting

It has emerged that while he attended the Oireachtas Communications Committee meeting this morning between 9.30 – 10am, Minister for Communications, Energy & Natural Resources Pat Rabbitte was in fact… Read more »

Enda Kenny Eyes Up New Career In Stand Up Comedy

Enda Kenny Eyes Up New Career In Stand Up Comedy

Enda Kenny is making a move into the world of stand up comedy, The Potato can exclusively reveal today. In a time when politicians and comics have been trading places, Kenny is… Read more »

Unpaid Bill Leaves Ireland Disconnected From Sun

Unpaid Bill Leaves Ireland Disconnected From Sun

A whistleblower at Met Éireann has revealed that ongoing cold weather in many parts of the country is not a meteorological phenomenon; rather, it is due to the Irish Government… Read more »

Irish Diaspora Tax Introduced

Irish Diaspora Tax Introduced

Wherever you go in the world, you’ll often meet people who claim to be Irish, and this is the principal behind the tourist campaign The Gathering. You might think “What… Read more »

Crime To Be Legalised So Gardaí Can Be Disbanded

Crime To Be Legalised So Gardaí Can Be Disbanded

More cost saving  measures are to be introduced later on during the year that will see the government save billions of euro in public expenditure, by legalising crime and disbanding… Read more »

Brendan Howlin Wants You To Swallow

Brendan Howlin Wants You To Swallow

Not only does Minister Brendan Howlin have a fetish about screwing people in uniforms, but he also revealed today to journalists that he wants those people to “swallow hard“. A… Read more »

Nurses To Play Gardaí As Part Of New Croke Park Agreement

Nurses To Play Gardaí As Part Of New Croke Park Agreement

After controversy on the weekend, walkouts and walk back ins, the Nurse’s union have agreed to play a Gaelic football match against the Gardaí as part of a new Croke… Read more »

Men Expected To Emmigrate As Iceland Bans Internet Pornography

Men Expected To Emmigrate As Iceland Bans Internet Pornography

A proposal by the Icelandic interior minister, Ogmundur Jonasson, to ban pornography in print and online has caused uproar among pretty much every post-pubescent male in the country. Speaking about… Read more »

Unions Leave Croke Park Talks Early So They Won’t Miss The Oscars

Unions Leave Croke Park Talks Early So They Won’t Miss The Oscars

A number of unions, representing thousands of public sector workers have this evening left the Croke Park extension talks. The unions that have left are the Irish Nurses and Midwives Organisation, The… Read more »

Italy Relapse Into Berlusconi Binge

Italy Relapse Into Berlusconi Binge

As Italy teeters on the brink of democratic expression, the rest of the world gathered together to screw up it’s face in incomprehension and cry, “Really Italy, him again? Were… Read more »

The Des Bishop: Under The Influence Drinking Game

The Des Bishop: Under The Influence Drinking Game

If you’re watching Des Bishop’s new show on RTE, Under The Influence, then why not play the Under The Influence Drinking Game too! You’ll love it! It’s  a low cost… Read more »

Bulgarians Lose The Head

Bulgarians Lose The Head

In protest at some economic hoopdydoo, Bulgarians fretted over how many lev’s they were paying for their electricity service. Lev’s! I ask you! They were directing their anger at the… Read more »

Man Stable After Falling From Job Bridge

Man Stable After Falling From Job Bridge

A 24 year old college graduate, who fell while trying to cross the Job Bridge, is said to be stable and slowing making a recovery. Conor McDonnell had to be… Read more »

National Outbreak Of Amnesia Confirmed As FF Top Polls

National Outbreak Of Amnesia Confirmed As FF Top Polls

It appears that a national outbreak of amnesia has been confirmed by scientists this afternoon, as recent polls show that Fianna Fáil are now topping the opinion polls. Amnesia is… Read more »

‘Do As I Say, Not As I Do!’ – Obama To North Korea After Nuclear Testing

‘Do As I Say, Not As I Do!’ – Obama To North Korea After Nuclear Testing

Obama today snapped at rogue international state North Korea, after it did exactly what it was told not to do. Last night, North Korea defied it’s global guardians  by successfully testing… Read more »

Pope To Come Out As Gay On Ellen

Pope To Come Out As Gay On Ellen

The world was surprised of the news that Pope Benedict XVI is to resign at the end of the month. But people are in shock to find out the reason… Read more »

Jobs News: Position Open At The Vatican

Jobs News: Position Open At The Vatican

About The Company The Vatican is a backward thinking, male dominated cult operating in it’s own independent state. It uses the latest edition of the Bible to inform decisions about modern day… Read more »

UCD Scientists Attempt To Clone Celtic Tiger

UCD Scientists Attempt To Clone Celtic Tiger

It has been hailed as one of the most ambitions science projects this country has ever seen, but a team of researchers in UCD, have just started work that will… Read more »

TDs To Go On The Minimum Wage

TDs To Go On The Minimum Wage

A new initiative is being launched that will see TDs around the country go on the minimum wage, so that they can get an accurate understanding of what the recession… Read more »

People Urged To Not Give Money To Annoying Charity Workers

People Urged To Not Give Money To Annoying Charity Workers

The Dublin City Business Improvement District (BID), has launched a new campaign, urging people not to give money to really annoying charity workers in the City Centre. In a recent survey… Read more »

“My Fingers Were Crossed” | Bertie Ahern Speaks Out Over Pension Controversy

“My Fingers Were Crossed” | Bertie Ahern Speaks Out Over Pension Controversy

It has been revealed today that Former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern has been receiving his full pension of €150,000, after reversing his decision to give part of it back to the state. New… Read more »

CSO Goes Mental By Claiming 8,500 Days Lost In 2012

CSO Goes Mental By Claiming 8,500 Days Lost In 2012

The Central Statistics Office (CSO), the body responsible for collecting accurate information and data on various aspects of the economy and society, has claimed that nearly 8,500 days were lost… Read more »

Kerry Councillors Propose Permit For Underage Drinking

Kerry Councillors Propose Permit For Underage Drinking

Kerry Councillors have backed a motion that would make it legal for teenagers, who are under the legal age, to consume alcohol on a weekly basis. Councillors said that the… Read more »

5.6 Million Attended Abortion Rallies On Weekend

5.6 Million Attended Abortion Rallies On Weekend

Both Pro-Life and Pro-Choice campaigners recorded record number of attendees at rallies that were held in the capital over the weekend. Estimates combined from both camps, place the total number… Read more »

Irelands Four Train Tracks To Be Privatised

Irelands Four Train Tracks To Be Privatised

The fall of another national institution due to the global and home-birthed financial recession has been announced by Government Ministers today. Iarnrod Eireann, the national rail service is to be de-boned, rolled… Read more »

Unsecured HMV Voucher Holders To Be Burned

Unsecured HMV Voucher Holders To Be Burned

It appears the government have done a 180 on their approach to saving the economy, by letting unsecured HMV voucher holders be burned. Many have been calling on the government… Read more »

Cutbacks Force Gardaí To Sell Seized Drugs

Cutbacks Force Gardaí To Sell Seized Drugs

Gardaí are being forced to re-sell millions of euro worth of seized drugs, after announcements this week of planned cuts of €35 Million to the force’s payroll. In 2011, nearly… Read more »

Pat Rabbitte Bans Paper To Prevent Hate Mail

Pat Rabbitte Bans Paper To Prevent Hate Mail

In what has been several days of controversial debate over the connection between social media and online bullying – Minister Pat Rabbitte has taken even more extreme actions by banning paper. The… Read more »

Super-Soaker 4 Million Wins In Northern Water Fight

Super-Soaker 4 Million Wins In Northern Water Fight

Police in Northern Ireland won last nights organised water fight against local protesters, after employing the use of their new Super-Soaker 4 Million X.  The Super-Soaker is mounted to a… Read more »

Revenue To Decide Value Of People

Revenue To Decide Value Of People

Following on from the government’s announcement that the Revenue will be valuing each property in the country to determine liable property tax, it has also been announced that the government will be valuing each… Read more »

Wooden Door to Sue Jim Sheridan Over Knock Knock Joke

Wooden Door to Sue Jim Sheridan Over Knock Knock Joke

It’s just gone from bad to worse in the last few days for Jim Sheridan. The musical director for the Late Late show has been under fire from government officials… Read more »

Gardaí Seeking Help In Finding Pat Rabbitte’s Sense Of Humour

Gardaí Seeking Help In Finding Pat Rabbitte’s Sense Of Humour

Government officials are dealing with yet another national crisis, during this incredibly fragile economic time, as it appears Minister Pat Rabbitte’s sense of humour has gone missing. Government sources are refusing to… Read more »

My Affair With Enda

My Affair With Enda

Angela Merkel Speaks Out The Potato has a shocking exclusive, Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, was engaged in a torrid affair with our very own Taoiseach, Enda Kenny. This exclusive… Read more »

Enda Kenny To Meet With The Tooth Fairy About Abortion Legislation

Enda Kenny To Meet With The Tooth Fairy About Abortion Legislation

Image: IMT.ie Enda Kenny is to meet with the mystical and magical Tooth Fairy, a head of plans about the wording and implementation of abortion legislation in Ireland. The abortion debate in… Read more »

Car From The Future Spotted In Dublin

Car From The Future Spotted In Dublin

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s a Kia from the year 2131. 😮 A shocked passer-by today in Dublin could hardly believe it as they laid their eyes… Read more »

Racist Aliens Vandalise Cork Beach

Racist Aliens Vandalise Cork Beach

Local residents in West Cork were awoken to shocking scenes on their local Inchydoney beach, after extra terrestrials, took to the sand during the night to vandalise it with intergalactic designs and symbols – apparently racist in… Read more »

Fiscal Cliff To Become New World Heritage Site

Fiscal Cliff To Become New World Heritage Site

Some good news for America ahead of it’s economic uncertainty, as it’s Fiscal Cliff is set to become the latest addition to the UNESCO list of world heritage sites. To… Read more »

RSA Urge Parents Not To Encourage Santa To Drink This Xmas

RSA Urge Parents Not To Encourage Santa To Drink This Xmas

The Road Safety Authority (RSA) is urging parents around the country to not provide Santa Clause with freely available alcohol in their homes while he makes his international deliveries on Christmas eve/early… Read more »

Republican Wants Guns For Kids Program

Republican Wants Guns For Kids Program

America has long had a complicated relationship with it’s guns. On the one hand you have the proponents that claim that “bearing arms” is a constitution right and one of… Read more »

Santa’s Elves Threaten Industrial Action Over Working Conditions

Santa’s Elves Threaten Industrial Action Over Working Conditions

CEO and Founder of Lapland Industries, Santa Clause, has found himself in the midst of an internal dispute with his labour force. Coming at possibly the worst time for the… Read more »

Flag Solution Flies In Northern Ireland

Flag Solution Flies In Northern Ireland

After weeks of violence and bubbling tensions between Unionists and Republicans, an easy peace has unfurled itself over Belfast today after a solution to the Flag fruore has been implemented… Read more »

Ireland Perform Terribly In World Corruption Cup

Ireland Perform Terribly In World Corruption Cup

A tough day for government hasn’t been helped at all by the latest survey results showing Ireland’s dismal performance in the World Corruption Cup. The tournament, organised by Transparency International,… Read more »

Opposition TD’s To Miss PE For Speaking Out Of Turn

Opposition TD’s To Miss PE For Speaking Out Of Turn

Today was the day Budget 2013 was announced to the country, detailing the variety of cuts in spending and increases in tax the government has planned for next year. The… Read more »

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