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Your Weekly Horoscopes With The Salmon Of Knowledge

Your Weekly Horoscopes With The Salmon Of Knowledge

Your horoscopes, brought to you by the future seeing fish the Salmon of Knowledge. Aries The astrological energy planes are vibrating at the right frequency for you this week. There’s… Read more »

We Hate Fags | Video

We Hate Fags | Video

We hate fags and make no apology about our stance on the subject. Join us on Facebook

Divorce Rate Lowest Amongst Gay Couples

Divorce Rate Lowest Amongst Gay Couples

Opponents of the gay rights movement in Ireland were dealt another blow today, after a study revealed that divorce rates among homosexual couples were far lower than those of heterosexual… Read more »

Irish Man Utd Fan Celebrates Thatcher’s Death

Irish Man Utd Fan Celebrates Thatcher’s Death

19 year old Anto McCrossan was today continuing his celebrations after hearing the news of Margaret Thatcher’s death. The Tallaght man spent most of his day yesterday celebrating in the streets in… Read more »

Your Weekly Horoscopes With The Salmon Of Knowledge

Your Weekly Horoscopes With The Salmon Of Knowledge

  Aries Some challenges this week when you park your car in a multi-story car park only to realise you have no idea where it is upon return. Although you will go… Read more »

Man Severly Burned After Sun Returns

Man Severly Burned After Sun Returns

A ginger Irish man from Co. Leitrim, was left badly burned today after he spent a total of 7 minutes exposed to the sun. The 30 year old was making… Read more »

Your Weekly Horoscopes With The Salmon Of Knowledge

Your Weekly Horoscopes With The Salmon Of Knowledge

Want to know what the cosmic force of planets millions of miles away have in store for you this week? Let the Salmon of Knowledge give you precious insights into… Read more »

Toll Booth Operative Just Wants To Finish Book

Toll Booth Operative Just Wants To Finish Book

Toll booth operator James Gaffney (23) of Laytown Co Meath, who regularly works the night shift on the M1 toll plaza, today expressed his wish to be able to finish… Read more »

Your Weekly Horoscopes With The Salmon Of Knowledge

Your Weekly Horoscopes With The Salmon Of Knowledge

Your weekly horoscopes, plucked from the future by the all knowing, all seeing Salmon of Knowledge. Week of March 25th… Aries Uranus is moving into your life this week and… Read more »

Lost Storks Second Leading Cause Of Unwanted Pregnancies

Lost Storks Second Leading Cause Of Unwanted Pregnancies

Fine Gael TD, Michelle Mulherin today informed uneducated members of the public that fornication, was one of the leading causes of unwanted pregnancies. The comments were made while the TD… Read more »

FLOODS: John Waters Building Ark

FLOODS: John Waters Building Ark

Irish Times columnist John Waters is a familiar face in Ireland. Like many Irish faces, his is one aged by misery and foreboding. Spiritual leader and guardian of Irish Catholic… Read more »

Men Rejoice As Google To Map Friend Zone

Men Rejoice As Google To Map Friend Zone

Men around the world were today celebrating the news from tech giant Google, that it is to finally map the Friend Zone, something many have found themselves in, but had… Read more »

Foxes To Be Armed To Make Fox Hunting More Competitive

Foxes To Be Armed To Make Fox Hunting More Competitive

In attempt to please the anti-fox hunting groups, the government have announced that foxes will be trained in the use of light artillery to make fox hunting more competitive for both sides…. Read more »

Your Weekly Horoscopes With The Salmon of Knowledge

Your Weekly Horoscopes With The Salmon of Knowledge

What has the all powerful and all knowing Salmon of Knowledge got in store for you this week? What has he seen in your star signs? Find out right now…… Read more »

Pope Francis To Let 40% Of Nuns Go In Corporate Restructuring

Pope Francis To Let 40% Of Nuns Go In Corporate Restructuring

As with any company when a new C.E.O is appointed, corporate restructuring takes place and the Catholic Church is no exception. Pope Francis wasted no time in getting rid of… Read more »

Man Out Walking Dog Finds Nothing of Interest

Man Out Walking Dog Finds Nothing of Interest

Boyle man, Turlough Hurley (56) has walked his dog through Lough Key forest park in Co Roscommon every evening for the past 12 years and has yet to see anything… Read more »

Annual Dublin Guinness And Vomit Enema Festival Arrives

Annual Dublin Guinness And Vomit Enema Festival Arrives

City Councillors have expressed delight at the arrival next week of the Annual Dublin Guinness and Vomit Enema Festival. The event which takes place every March 17th in Dublin city… Read more »

Growing Number Of Pigeons With OCD

Growing Number Of Pigeons With OCD

A new study by Mental Health Ireland has unearthed a dangerous new trend among pigeons; reporting a spike in the number of pigeons who have been clinically diagnosed with OCD. The study attributes… Read more »

Fat Cow Claims Steak And Blowjob Day Is Degrading

Fat Cow Claims Steak And Blowjob Day Is Degrading

A fat cow from Kerry, Sheila, has hit out at today’s international “Steak and Blowjob Day”, saying that it is incredibly degrading, insensitive and inappropriate.  Sheila the cow, claims that the day is discriminating and… Read more »

Man Has No Idea Why He’s Staring Into Fridge

Man Has No Idea Why He’s Staring Into Fridge

A 28 year old man from Galway, has revealed that he often spends long periods of time staring directly into his fridge, even though he has no idea why. Commenting… Read more »

Dublin Junkies Demand To Be Featured In Paddy’s Day Parade

Dublin Junkies Demand To Be Featured In Paddy’s Day Parade

Today, Dekko Maher (26 but looks about 40), the spokesman for the Federation of Irish Drug Addicts told journalists that his organisation were pushing for better representation at this year’s… Read more »

Mount Everest To Be Demolished For Not Having Disabled Access

Mount Everest To Be Demolished For Not Having Disabled Access

One of the greatest natural wonders in the world, Mount Everest, is to be demolished, according to the Nepalese government. The reason, for not having disabled access. Amnesty International are… Read more »

Bi-Polar Weather Admitted To Psychiatric Ward

Bi-Polar Weather Admitted To Psychiatric Ward

Ireland’s mental weather has been admitted to St. Brendan’s Psychiatric Hospital in Dublin, after a spate of erratic behaviour caused alarm bells to be raised. The weather will undergo several psychological tests and… Read more »

Your Weekly Horoscopes With The Salmon Of Knowledge

Your Weekly Horoscopes With The Salmon Of Knowledge

Want to know what’s in store for you this week? Let the Salmon of Knowledge inspire you with glimpses into your future… March 11th – 18th Aries You were a… Read more »

Radical Feminist Still Searching for Reason to Criticise Mother’s Day

Radical Feminist Still Searching for Reason to Criticise Mother’s Day

UCD politics and philosophy student Laura Watts (21) today conceded that she was still searching in vain for a reason to criticise Mother’s Day. “I really thought by now I’d… Read more »

Woman Disappointed With Children On Mother’s Day

Woman Disappointed With Children On Mother’s Day

Today, on Mothering Sunday, Fidelma Fanning (65) of Ardee, Co Louth used a Mother’s Day carvery lunch at the Carrickdale hotel to express her deep disappointment in how her children… Read more »

Man Regrets Telling Girlfriend “We’re Doing It Twice”

Man Regrets Telling Girlfriend “We’re Doing It Twice”

At the weekend, Ryan Daly (28) of Churchtown, Dublin, celebrated his birthday with his girlfriend of three years, Helen Butler at the Towers Hotel, Waterford. Over their romantic dinner on Friday… Read more »

Your Weekly Horoscopes with The Salmon of Knowledge

Your Weekly Horoscopes with The Salmon of Knowledge

This week, the Salmon of Knowledge has been flowing through the fresh water streams of the cosmos to bring you more glimpses from the future about your life… March 4th –… Read more »

Passive-Aggressive Colleague Just Won’t Give Up

Passive-Aggressive Colleague Just Won’t Give Up

Employees in the accounting department of Ferguson Insurance today vented their frustration at the fact that their colleague Carol just won’t shut the fuck up and do things for herself. Accounts… Read more »

Race Row After Diner Calls New Chocolate Malt “The Harlem Shake”

Race Row After Diner Calls New Chocolate Malt “The Harlem Shake”

An Irish 1950’s American Style diner has come under fire today after it unveiled a new drink to their menu called “The Harlem Shake.” The incident occurred when a 30… Read more »

Was Des Bishop’s Show Funded By Diageo?

Was Des Bishop’s Show Funded By Diageo?

In what could be the most elaborate and complex marketing ever undertaken by any company on the planet, new evidence coming out, may suggest that Des Bishop’s: Under The Influence… Read more »

Ballyfermot Man Ostracised for Love of Unpopular Liqueur

Ballyfermot Man Ostracised for Love of Unpopular Liqueur

Ballyfermot man, Ronan “Rashers” Kelly (37), an unemployed former plasterer and father of two, has spoken for the first time about his exclusion from family, friends and the wider community… Read more »

Your Weekly Horoscopes With The Salmon Of Knowledge

Your Weekly Horoscopes With The Salmon Of Knowledge

The Salmon of Knowledge’s never ending wisdom will help you make life changing decisions and give you insights about yourself you’ve never seen before. A powerful Irish mystic and legend,… Read more »

Cigarettes To Be Marketed As Healthy And Organic To Deter Users

Cigarettes To Be Marketed As Healthy And Organic To Deter Users

The HSE have launched a new campaign that will promote cigarettes as healthy and organic, in an effect to discourage Irish people from taking up the habit. The new campaign is based upon lengthy historical evidence that shows… Read more »

Horse Meat Found In Lamb Of God

Horse Meat Found In Lamb Of God

More upset for the catholic church today, after tests on the holy sacrament found that around 30% of it was made up of equine DNA. The church is one of the latest… Read more »

Self-Medicating Council of Ireland Issues Latest Report

Self-Medicating Council of Ireland Issues Latest Report

The Self-Medicating Council of Ireland today issued their annual report entitled ‘Recommended Doses Are For Wusses’. The report was developed in consultation with a few lads down the pub, some… Read more »

The Top 10 Most Eligible Bachelors

The Top 10 Most Eligible Bachelors

Today is Valentine’s Day and I know many of you ladies are sad and alone. Not to worry though. Put down that tub of ice-cream, let the cats out and… Read more »

Pope To Come Out As Gay On Ellen

Pope To Come Out As Gay On Ellen

The world was surprised of the news that Pope Benedict XVI is to resign at the end of the month. But people are in shock to find out the reason… Read more »

Jobs News: Position Open At The Vatican

Jobs News: Position Open At The Vatican

About The Company The Vatican is a backward thinking, male dominated cult operating in it’s own independent state. It uses the latest edition of the Bible to inform decisions about modern day… Read more »

Irishman Finds Clitoris Using Sat Nav

Irishman Finds Clitoris Using Sat Nav

Since the mid 90s when the Sat Nav and GPS became open to civilian use, men have had a computer to help them navigate and find their way, but it… Read more »

VHI Launch Low Cost Placebo Plus Program

VHI Launch Low Cost Placebo Plus Program

In response to the public backlash that they received after raising their fees, the VHI have just launched their new low cost, Placebo Plus Program. Placebo Plus Program The Placebo Plus… Read more »

CAO Career Advice – Drug Dealing [Video]

CAO Career Advice – Drug Dealing [Video]

With the CAO deadline drawing ever closer, remember to consider all your options before choosing a college or career… Make sure to share this important information with anyone you know filling out… Read more »

CAO Career Advice – The Dole

CAO Career Advice – The Dole

CAO time can be a stressful period for many, as this week the deadline for sorting your entire life out looms close. If you get this wrong, you get life… Read more »

3 Hot Tips To Losing Weight And Looking Slimmer

3 Hot Tips To Losing Weight And Looking Slimmer

The New Year brings with it a new start. And new resolutions are made (and sometimes broken) in January. One of the most popular is to lose weight or get… Read more »

Hipsters Plan Protest Against Dublin Restaurant Bite

Hipsters Plan Protest Against Dublin Restaurant Bite

Dublin restaurant Bite, has outraged thousands of Irish hipsters, by banning Instagram pictures being taken of their food while in the premises. The controversial move is part of a new… Read more »

Going To Bed Leading Cause Of Insomnia

Going To Bed Leading Cause Of Insomnia

In an 18 month long study, carried out by the National Sleep Foundation in America, scientists have found significant evidence that suggests that’s the main causes of insomnia can be… Read more »

My Affair With Enda

My Affair With Enda

Angela Merkel Speaks Out The Potato has a shocking exclusive, Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, was engaged in a torrid affair with our very own Taoiseach, Enda Kenny. This exclusive… Read more »

Man Stable After Violent Incident With Duvet

Man Stable After Violent Incident With Duvet

A man in his twenties is said to be stable, after a serious incident which involved a violent row with his duvet, in the early hours of the morning.  The… Read more »

Enda Kenny To Meet With The Tooth Fairy About Abortion Legislation

Enda Kenny To Meet With The Tooth Fairy About Abortion Legislation

Image: IMT.ie Enda Kenny is to meet with the mystical and magical Tooth Fairy, a head of plans about the wording and implementation of abortion legislation in Ireland. The abortion debate in… Read more »

‘Just Saying’ Viral To Be Re-Made By James Cameron

‘Just Saying’ Viral To Be Re-Made By James Cameron

Image: worldirish.com Written by Irishman Dave Tynan and staring Sarah and Steve star Emmet Kirwan, Just Saying is a short movie, shot around the quiet streets of Dublin, about the… Read more »

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