List/Grid Tag Archives: irish news

Deluded Lotto Syndicate Convinced They’ll Win EuroMillions

Deluded Lotto Syndicate Convinced They’ll Win EuroMillions

An office lotto syndicate based in Dublin has successfully set themselves up for crippling disappointment ahead of tonight’s Euromillions Jackpot.  The 12 strong group are all secretly convinced they’ve sealed… Read more »

One Direction Thank Their Fans For Making Them Filthy Rich

One Direction Thank Their Fans For Making Them Filthy Rich

One Direction have sent an emotional message to their fans all around the world, thanking them for making them incredibly rich. They said that the decision to quit hasn’t come easy,… Read more »

Wallace Released After Agreeing To Build Italian Quarter In Limerick Prison

Wallace Released After Agreeing To Build Italian Quarter In Limerick Prison

After spending only a few short hours in prison, Mick Wallace Released has been released, on the condition that he builds an Italian quarter at the back of Limerick Prison… Read more »

Enda Kenny Orders Garda Ombudman’s Office To Be Fumigated

Enda Kenny Orders Garda Ombudman’s Office To Be Fumigated

In light of the ever growing controversy surrounding the Garda Síochána Ombudsman Commission (GSOC), Taoiseach Enda Kenny has order the entire office space to be fumigated. By Cormac Moore Reacting to… Read more »

Colin Farrell To Return As Line Dancing Instructor In Dublin

Colin Farrell To Return As Line Dancing Instructor In Dublin

Break for the Border have decided to cash in on the Garth Brooks gig’s in Dublin this July by asking Hollywood superstar Colin Farrell to reprise his role as their… Read more »

New Psychologically Tormenting Fitness Challenge Hits Ireland

New Psychologically Tormenting Fitness Challenge Hits Ireland

Following the success of such events as Tough Mudder and Hell and Back, a new All-Terrain fitness challenege, aimed at tormenting people psychologically as well as physically, calling itself Hardy… Read more »

Shy, Insecure Orphan Boy Completely Forgotten About By Santa

Shy, Insecure Orphan Boy Completely Forgotten About By Santa

Sources are confirming that a sad insecure and timid Orphan boy in Longford, who many speculate has no friends or anyone in his life who cares about him, has been… Read more »

Listen | The CRC’s Top Up Appeal Campaign

Listen | The CRC’s Top Up Appeal Campaign

The CRC are renewing their appeal for donations so that they can yop up senior members of their staff’s wages.  The Central Remedial Clinic had been stealing money from charitable… Read more »

The Weekly Mash Up – November 29th

The Weekly Mash Up – November 29th

The Pope quits, Ron Burgundy’s Toy Show message and toilet paper drama, those news stories and more on, only on The Weekly Mash Up. The Potato’s Person Of The Year… Read more »

The Weekly Mash Up – November 15th

The Weekly Mash Up – November 15th

Fashion bloggers, billion dollars declines, changes to the driving test and more. All your biggest news stories, right here on The Weekly Mash Up. Snapchat Founder Confirmed As Being Dumbest… Read more »

Enda Kenny In Paris To Tell Youth They Should Probably Just Emigrate Too

Enda Kenny In Paris To Tell Youth They Should Probably Just Emigrate Too

Enda Kenny has today travelled to Paris to attend a conference on youth unemployment in Europe. The Taoiseach is to deliver a keynote speech to the young people of Europe,… Read more »

Taoiseach Hopeful Santa Will Take On Unemployed In Workshop

Taoiseach Hopeful Santa Will Take On Unemployed In Workshop

Taoiseach Enda Kenny says he is hopeful that Santa Claus might take on young unemployed Irish tradespeople in his workshop over the busy Christmas period. Speaking at the annual West… Read more »

APPEAL: Are You Missing An Arm?

APPEAL: Are You Missing An Arm?

Gardaí are appealing for people in the Clonee region of Co. Meath to check to see if they are missing an arm. An arm was found in an area know… Read more »

POLL: Should Ireland Legalise Marijuana?

POLL: Should Ireland Legalise Marijuana?

With the news that Ming Flanagan will be bringing forth proposed legislation on the legalisation of marijuana in Ireland, we want to know you think about the issue. Should we… Read more »

Parents Warned About Car With Blue Lights Taking Children

Parents Warned About Car With Blue Lights Taking Children

Parents of their own biological children are asked to be extra vigilant after numerous reports of white cars, with blue flashing lights have been found to be taking children from… Read more »

Dublin Pays Tribute To Tommy’s Ass With Bronze Statue

Dublin Pays Tribute To Tommy’s Ass With Bronze Statue

In breaking news this morning, Dublin is to get it’s very own statue of Tommy’s ass,  the county council can confirm today. The decision to pay tribute to the backside… Read more »

Man Who Stole Radioactive Material Doesn’t Get Superpowers

Man Who Stole Radioactive Material Doesn’t Get Superpowers

It is emerging that the robbery of radioactive material from a location in Swords at the end of September, was fuelled by the criminal’s desire to obtain superpowers, The Potato… Read more »

POLL: Should Enda Kenny Have Taken Part In A TV Debate?

POLL: Should Enda Kenny Have Taken Part In A TV Debate?

As the government deals with another one of it’s own monumental failures, many people around the country are arguing over whether or not Enda Kenny should have taken part in… Read more »

The Weekly Mash Up – October 4th

The Weekly Mash Up – October 4th

Referendums, persecuted spiders and Sinead O’Connor, all featuring in the Weekly Mash Up. Man Complaining About the Referendum Probably Won’t Vote Anyway A man who has been openly complaining about… Read more »

Spiders Call For Action After Recent Spate Of Fatal Attacks

Spiders Call For Action After Recent Spate Of Fatal Attacks

The Irish Spider Association (ISA) is calling on the government to implement proper legislation to help protect the Irish spider population from being persecuted by screaming Irish women. The screaming… Read more »

Man Complaining About Referendum Probably Won’t Vote Anyway

Man Complaining About Referendum Probably Won’t Vote Anyway

A 30 year old man, Patrick Reilly, who has been openly complaining about the government and the upcoming referendum, probably wont bother voting this Friday. The man who has been… Read more »

POLL: Do You Ever Vote On Online Polls?

POLL: Do You Ever Vote On Online Polls?

Polls are becoming a more common feature on many online publications these days. They are a fantastic way to get a snapshot of people’s opinions and can be used to… Read more »

Christy Moore Drives Punters Back To Arthur’s Day

Christy Moore Drives Punters Back To Arthur’s Day

Thousands of people who had turned their back on the obscene Diageo marketing coup that is Arthur’s Day have been drawn back to it by the actions of one pompous… Read more »

Job Fairy Working With Government To Help Solve Employment Crisis

Job Fairy Working With Government To Help Solve Employment Crisis

The government has today launched its new nationwide campaign designed to get more unemployed people back to work. Minister for Jobs, Enterprise and Innovation Richard Bruton launched today’s campaign that… Read more »

Diageo Admit Arthur’s Day Is About Excessive Drinking

Diageo Admit Arthur’s Day Is About Excessive Drinking

Diageo have finally come out and admitted today to the public that Arthur’s Day is mainly about excessive drinking to help them drive sales and market share. Although everyone already… Read more »

The Weekly Mash Up – September 20th

The Weekly Mash Up – September 20th

Casual Fridays, beauty pageants and GTA, those stories and more right here on The Weekly Mash Up. Rockstar VP: “Why Are People Paying For GTA V?” Rockstar Games’s VP has… Read more »

Man Devastated After Forgetting About Casual Friday

Man Devastated After Forgetting About Casual Friday

30 year old Patrick Sweeney was today left devastated as he discovered that he completely forgot about his company’s casual Friday policy and showed up to work in a fully… Read more »

Very Superstitious: Ireland Responds to Friday 13th

Very Superstitious: Ireland Responds to Friday 13th

Ireland is in the grip of superstitious panic over today’s date: Friday the 13th. While level-headed people exist who do not entertain such hokum, the majority of the Irish public is in… Read more »

Sinead O’Connor Signs Lucrative Endorsement Deal With B&Q

Sinead O’Connor Signs Lucrative Endorsement Deal With B&Q

Breaking news coming out today as it appears that controversial singer songwriter Sinead O’Connor has signed an endorsement deal with multinational DIY and home improvement chain B&Q.  The exact figure… Read more »

Scientist Claims Internet Will Run Out Of Lists By 2020

Scientist Claims Internet Will Run Out Of Lists By 2020

Buzz F. Hubbert, a research scientist in the field of  information systems and data analysis, has caused massive controversy today by claiming  the Internet will run out of list articles… Read more »

The Weekly Mash Up – September 6th

The Weekly Mash Up – September 6th

The biggest stories that made all the headlines this week, right here on The Weekly Mash Up. Paul McShane Signs For Harchester United Irish International Paul Mcshane was a late… Read more »

Junior Infant Proposes Abolition of Senior Infants

Junior Infant Proposes Abolition of Senior Infants

There is upheaval in a Dublin primary school as a pupil in the junior class is seeking the abolition of the senior class. Eoin Kenny, described as a precocious little… Read more »

UN Leaders to Meet to Discuss Correct Pronunciation of Hezbollah

UN Leaders to Meet to Discuss Correct Pronunciation of Hezbollah

Senior members of the United nations are to meet later today to discuss once and for all the correct pronunciation of Hezbollah. With the Islamic group in the news due… Read more »

Girlos Enjoy A Loud Chat In Cinema

Girlos Enjoy A Loud Chat In Cinema

2 women in their late twenties from Blanchardstown north Dublin, last night enjoyed one of their loudest, longest and ‘bestest’ conversations they have had in years. The pair decided the… Read more »

The Weekly Mash Up – August 30th

The Weekly Mash Up – August 30th

Schools are back and the last of the summer festivals kicks off. Here are this weeks most popular stories on The Potato: 13 Foolproof Ways To Be Popular At Electric… Read more »

Clinically-Depressed Teacher Agrees Teaching is “Easy Career”

Clinically-Depressed Teacher Agrees Teaching is “Easy Career”

As the Friday workday draws to a close, Barry Lyons knows what awaits him when he meets his friends for their usual end-of-week pints. As a teacher of Irish and Geography in… Read more »

Putin Attacks Rainbows To End Gay Propaganda In Russia

Putin Attacks Rainbows To End Gay Propaganda In Russia

Russia’s stance on Gay ‘Propaganda’ is now widely known, but the levels to which the country’s President, Vladimir Putin, is going to in order to fight it, is only now… Read more »

13 Foolproof Ways To Be Popular At Electric Picnic

13 Foolproof Ways To Be Popular At Electric Picnic

Just as important as securing yourself a ticket for this years Electric Picnic festival is making sure that everyone else there thinks you’re cool and popular. If you’re struggling to… Read more »

Teacher Exhausted After Long Day Of Reading Answers From Back Of Book

Teacher Exhausted After Long Day Of Reading Answers From Back Of Book

A 27 year old newly appointed maths teacher in a south Dublin secondary school, has today returned home exhausted after a long and hard day reading answers from the back… Read more »

Woman Tips Herself After Eating At Nandos

Woman Tips Herself After Eating At Nandos

A 24 year old woman from Dundrum last night decided that it made far more sense to leave a tip for herself after eating at Nandos, since she did the… Read more »

Tolls To Be Introduced On Busy City Centre Paths

Tolls To Be Introduced On Busy City Centre Paths

A new initiative being launched by the Department of Transport will see several paths in Dublin’s City Centre become tolled, meaning that pedestrians will have to fork out money to… Read more »

The Weekly Mash Up – August 23

The Weekly Mash Up – August 23

Roses, potatoes and Guinness. All the top Irish news stories this week on the Weekly Mash Up: No Famine No Cry | Music Video The 7 Lad Types You Play… Read more »

The Rose of Tralee | Live Blog | Second Leg

The Rose of Tralee | Live Blog | Second Leg

Welcome back to the second leg of the Rose of Tralee. After a proposal, a dead fish and lots of very, very boring poetry, it’s unclear as to how tonight’s… Read more »

Diaego Set To Win Arthur Guinness Projects

Diaego Set To Win Arthur Guinness Projects

With the final few days of the Arthur Guinness Projects rolling in, it appears that Diageo are on course to be the clear cut winners from the entire competition. The… Read more »

Man Picks Fantasy Football League Based On Overheard Pub Conversations

Man Picks Fantasy Football League Based On Overheard Pub Conversations

Colin O’Donoghue spent most of this afternoon sitting in front of his computer trying to pick a team for the office fantasy football league. Despite having little to no knowledge… Read more »

The Weekly Mash Up – August 16th

The Weekly Mash Up – August 16th

A week where the leaving cert was the nation’s main focus, here’s this weeks most read stories on The Weekly Mash Up: Leaving Cert 2013: 9 Careers You Don’t Need… Read more »

Life Coach Still Hasn’t Achieved Anything Outstanding

Life Coach Still Hasn’t Achieved Anything Outstanding

45 year old Life Coach Deidre O’Keefe still hasn’t achieved anything outstanding in her life and is beginning to wonder if she ever will. Deirdre has been training and coaching… Read more »

Abandoned Leaving Cert Students Overcrowding Orphanages

Abandoned Leaving Cert Students Overcrowding Orphanages

Orphanages all over Ireland have closed their doors as record numbers of crying Leaving Cert students registered themselves, resulting in over-crowding. “It’s amazing. At half nine I looked out my… Read more »

Girl Convinced She Failed Exams Gets 595 Points

Girl Convinced She Failed Exams Gets 595 Points

18 year old Sarah McNally, convinced she was going to fail all her exams and ruin her entire life, discovered today that she in fact got 595 points in her… Read more »

Student Who Answered ‘Science Bitch’ Fails Chemistry Exam

Student Who Answered ‘Science Bitch’ Fails Chemistry Exam

17 year old Brian O’Connor from Terenure College in Dublin, today discovered that he failed his Leaving Certificate chemistry exam after he wrote “science bitch” on a number of answer… Read more »

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