List/Grid Tag Archives: irish news
Deluded Lotto Syndicate Convinced They’ll Win EuroMillions
An office lotto syndicate based in Dublin has successfully set themselves up for crippling disappointment ahead of tonight’s Euromillions Jackpot. The 12 strong group are all secretly convinced they’ve sealed…
One Direction Thank Their Fans For Making Them Filthy Rich
One Direction have sent an emotional message to their fans all around the world, thanking them for making them incredibly rich. They said that the decision to quit hasn’t come easy,…
Wallace Released After Agreeing To Build Italian Quarter In Limerick Prison
After spending only a few short hours in prison, Mick Wallace Released has been released, on the condition that he builds an Italian quarter at the back of Limerick Prison…
Enda Kenny Orders Garda Ombudman’s Office To Be Fumigated
In light of the ever growing controversy surrounding the Garda Síochána Ombudsman Commission (GSOC), Taoiseach Enda Kenny has order the entire office space to be fumigated. By Cormac Moore Reacting to…
Colin Farrell To Return As Line Dancing Instructor In Dublin
Break for the Border have decided to cash in on the Garth Brooks gig’s in Dublin this July by asking Hollywood superstar Colin Farrell to reprise his role as their…
New Psychologically Tormenting Fitness Challenge Hits Ireland
Following the success of such events as Tough Mudder and Hell and Back, a new All-Terrain fitness challenege, aimed at tormenting people psychologically as well as physically, calling itself Hardy…
Shy, Insecure Orphan Boy Completely Forgotten About By Santa
Sources are confirming that a sad insecure and timid Orphan boy in Longford, who many speculate has no friends or anyone in his life who cares about him, has been…
Listen | The CRC’s Top Up Appeal Campaign
The CRC are renewing their appeal for donations so that they can yop up senior members of their staff’s wages. The Central Remedial Clinic had been stealing money from charitable…
The Weekly Mash Up – November 29th
The Pope quits, Ron Burgundy’s Toy Show message and toilet paper drama, those news stories and more on, only on The Weekly Mash Up. The Potato’s Person Of The Year…
The Weekly Mash Up – November 15th
Fashion bloggers, billion dollars declines, changes to the driving test and more. All your biggest news stories, right here on The Weekly Mash Up. Snapchat Founder Confirmed As Being Dumbest…
Enda Kenny In Paris To Tell Youth They Should Probably Just Emigrate Too
Enda Kenny has today travelled to Paris to attend a conference on youth unemployment in Europe. The Taoiseach is to deliver a keynote speech to the young people of Europe,…
Taoiseach Hopeful Santa Will Take On Unemployed In Workshop
Taoiseach Enda Kenny says he is hopeful that Santa Claus might take on young unemployed Irish tradespeople in his workshop over the busy Christmas period. Speaking at the annual West…
APPEAL: Are You Missing An Arm?
Gardaí are appealing for people in the Clonee region of Co. Meath to check to see if they are missing an arm. An arm was found in an area know…
POLL: Should Ireland Legalise Marijuana?
With the news that Ming Flanagan will be bringing forth proposed legislation on the legalisation of marijuana in Ireland, we want to know you think about the issue. Should we…
Parents Warned About Car With Blue Lights Taking Children
Parents of their own biological children are asked to be extra vigilant after numerous reports of white cars, with blue flashing lights have been found to be taking children from…
Dublin Pays Tribute To Tommy’s Ass With Bronze Statue
In breaking news this morning, Dublin is to get it’s very own statue of Tommy’s ass, the county council can confirm today. The decision to pay tribute to the backside…
Man Who Stole Radioactive Material Doesn’t Get Superpowers
It is emerging that the robbery of radioactive material from a location in Swords at the end of September, was fuelled by the criminal’s desire to obtain superpowers, The Potato…
POLL: Should Enda Kenny Have Taken Part In A TV Debate?
As the government deals with another one of it’s own monumental failures, many people around the country are arguing over whether or not Enda Kenny should have taken part in…
The Weekly Mash Up – October 4th
Referendums, persecuted spiders and Sinead O’Connor, all featuring in the Weekly Mash Up. Man Complaining About the Referendum Probably Won’t Vote Anyway A man who has been openly complaining about…
Spiders Call For Action After Recent Spate Of Fatal Attacks
The Irish Spider Association (ISA) is calling on the government to implement proper legislation to help protect the Irish spider population from being persecuted by screaming Irish women. The screaming…
Man Complaining About Referendum Probably Won’t Vote Anyway
A 30 year old man, Patrick Reilly, who has been openly complaining about the government and the upcoming referendum, probably wont bother voting this Friday. The man who has been…
POLL: Do You Ever Vote On Online Polls?
Polls are becoming a more common feature on many online publications these days. They are a fantastic way to get a snapshot of people’s opinions and can be used to…
Christy Moore Drives Punters Back To Arthur’s Day
Thousands of people who had turned their back on the obscene Diageo marketing coup that is Arthur’s Day have been drawn back to it by the actions of one pompous…
Job Fairy Working With Government To Help Solve Employment Crisis
The government has today launched its new nationwide campaign designed to get more unemployed people back to work. Minister for Jobs, Enterprise and Innovation Richard Bruton launched today’s campaign that…
Diageo Admit Arthur’s Day Is About Excessive Drinking
Diageo have finally come out and admitted today to the public that Arthur’s Day is mainly about excessive drinking to help them drive sales and market share. Although everyone already…
The Weekly Mash Up – September 20th
Casual Fridays, beauty pageants and GTA, those stories and more right here on The Weekly Mash Up. Rockstar VP: “Why Are People Paying For GTA V?” Rockstar Games’s VP has…
Man Devastated After Forgetting About Casual Friday
30 year old Patrick Sweeney was today left devastated as he discovered that he completely forgot about his company’s casual Friday policy and showed up to work in a fully…
Very Superstitious: Ireland Responds to Friday 13th
Ireland is in the grip of superstitious panic over today’s date: Friday the 13th. While level-headed people exist who do not entertain such hokum, the majority of the Irish public is in…
Sinead O’Connor Signs Lucrative Endorsement Deal With B&Q
Breaking news coming out today as it appears that controversial singer songwriter Sinead O’Connor has signed an endorsement deal with multinational DIY and home improvement chain B&Q. The exact figure…
Scientist Claims Internet Will Run Out Of Lists By 2020
Buzz F. Hubbert, a research scientist in the field of information systems and data analysis, has caused massive controversy today by claiming the Internet will run out of list articles…
The Weekly Mash Up – September 6th
The biggest stories that made all the headlines this week, right here on The Weekly Mash Up. Paul McShane Signs For Harchester United Irish International Paul Mcshane was a late…
Junior Infant Proposes Abolition of Senior Infants
There is upheaval in a Dublin primary school as a pupil in the junior class is seeking the abolition of the senior class. Eoin Kenny, described as a precocious little…
UN Leaders to Meet to Discuss Correct Pronunciation of Hezbollah
Senior members of the United nations are to meet later today to discuss once and for all the correct pronunciation of Hezbollah. With the Islamic group in the news due…
Girlos Enjoy A Loud Chat In Cinema
2 women in their late twenties from Blanchardstown north Dublin, last night enjoyed one of their loudest, longest and ‘bestest’ conversations they have had in years. The pair decided the…
The Weekly Mash Up – August 30th
Schools are back and the last of the summer festivals kicks off. Here are this weeks most popular stories on The Potato: 13 Foolproof Ways To Be Popular At Electric…
Clinically-Depressed Teacher Agrees Teaching is “Easy Career”
As the Friday workday draws to a close, Barry Lyons knows what awaits him when he meets his friends for their usual end-of-week pints. As a teacher of Irish and Geography in…
Putin Attacks Rainbows To End Gay Propaganda In Russia
Russia’s stance on Gay ‘Propaganda’ is now widely known, but the levels to which the country’s President, Vladimir Putin, is going to in order to fight it, is only now…
13 Foolproof Ways To Be Popular At Electric Picnic
Just as important as securing yourself a ticket for this years Electric Picnic festival is making sure that everyone else there thinks you’re cool and popular. If you’re struggling to…
Teacher Exhausted After Long Day Of Reading Answers From Back Of Book
A 27 year old newly appointed maths teacher in a south Dublin secondary school, has today returned home exhausted after a long and hard day reading answers from the back…
Woman Tips Herself After Eating At Nandos
A 24 year old woman from Dundrum last night decided that it made far more sense to leave a tip for herself after eating at Nandos, since she did the…
Tolls To Be Introduced On Busy City Centre Paths
A new initiative being launched by the Department of Transport will see several paths in Dublin’s City Centre become tolled, meaning that pedestrians will have to fork out money to…
The Weekly Mash Up – August 23
Roses, potatoes and Guinness. All the top Irish news stories this week on the Weekly Mash Up: No Famine No Cry | Music Video The 7 Lad Types You Play…
The Rose of Tralee | Live Blog | Second Leg
Welcome back to the second leg of the Rose of Tralee. After a proposal, a dead fish and lots of very, very boring poetry, it’s unclear as to how tonight’s…
Diaego Set To Win Arthur Guinness Projects
With the final few days of the Arthur Guinness Projects rolling in, it appears that Diageo are on course to be the clear cut winners from the entire competition. The…
Man Picks Fantasy Football League Based On Overheard Pub Conversations
Colin O’Donoghue spent most of this afternoon sitting in front of his computer trying to pick a team for the office fantasy football league. Despite having little to no knowledge…
The Weekly Mash Up – August 16th
A week where the leaving cert was the nation’s main focus, here’s this weeks most read stories on The Weekly Mash Up: Leaving Cert 2013: 9 Careers You Don’t Need…
Life Coach Still Hasn’t Achieved Anything Outstanding
45 year old Life Coach Deidre O’Keefe still hasn’t achieved anything outstanding in her life and is beginning to wonder if she ever will. Deirdre has been training and coaching…
Abandoned Leaving Cert Students Overcrowding Orphanages
Orphanages all over Ireland have closed their doors as record numbers of crying Leaving Cert students registered themselves, resulting in over-crowding. “It’s amazing. At half nine I looked out my…
Girl Convinced She Failed Exams Gets 595 Points
18 year old Sarah McNally, convinced she was going to fail all her exams and ruin her entire life, discovered today that she in fact got 595 points in her…
Student Who Answered ‘Science Bitch’ Fails Chemistry Exam
17 year old Brian O’Connor from Terenure College in Dublin, today discovered that he failed his Leaving Certificate chemistry exam after he wrote “science bitch” on a number of answer…
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